Horror Movie Talk

• Keeper Review

  Synopsis After nearly a year of dating, lovebirds Liz and Malcom drive to Malcom’s family cabin for a little getaway. Liz immediately begins to pick up on some strange vibes, both from the cabin and Malcom. Something is definitely off, but at least there is chocolate cake. As Liz learns more about Malcom, she is bombarded by visions of dead women, creepy ghouls, and severed heads. All of this in the name of love, maybe it would have been better to stay single after all. Review of Keeper Keeper’s trailer keeps things pretty ambiguous, and so I had very little knowledge of this film before going in. All I could gather was that this movie was about a woman on a trip with her boyfriend, who is kind of creepy. And honestly, that's what we get from this movie for the entirety of Act 1 and Act 2. Liz is just mildly bothered by her boyfriend acting strangely, but other than that, there isn't much to say about it. The director Osgood Perkins is currently making a name for himself with movies like The Blackcoat's Daughter and Longlegs, but Keeper seems to be something else. While there are mixed reviews for Longlegs (some loving it and others finding it weird and cheesy), what we can all agree on is that Longlegs had some very interesting concepts that make the movie worth checking out. Unfortunately for Keeper, there really just isn't anything all that interesting about it. It's a cabin in the woods story, with a domineering, creepy man, and a seemingly helpless yet feisty female protagonist. It almost doesn't get more cliche than that. I will say that Act Three opens the movie up a little bit more, and the creepy visuals and monster designs were quite scary-looking. But that doesn't make up for the movie being kind of bland most of the time. Even when it ends up doing something kind of good, the story is still borderline nonsensical. Score 3/10

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• Frankenstein (2025) Review

  Synopsis Honestly if you don’t know what Frankenstein is about, I don’t know why you’re listening to a horror movie podcast. Review I heard a lot of mixed reviews about this, but I tried to stay away from as many spoilers as possible, as if this story could really be spoiled. Del Toro does add some new elements to the classic tale, some might say maybe too many new elements. Some might say that. I’m not saying it. But some might. It is kind of long. This movie is beautifully shot, albeit sometimes you can tell it was Made For Streaming (cough cough why is the sunlight in my face cough cough), but for the most part it’s colorful, playful, and imaginative, with backdrops and settings that match the incredible costumes. Mia Goth looks ethereal in all of her elaborate gowns, veils, and feathers. Her wedding dress deserves its own moment of silence. The bandaged look around her arms? So major. The costumes tell their own stories, and they do a wonderful job at that. Oscar Isaac gets hotter every time I see him in a movie. Don’t know how he manages that but he manages it well. Even though he’s pretty evil in this he still looks good. Jacob Elordi does an amazing job as the Creature, he proves himself time and time again, with physical and emotional acting. He captivates and intrigues. He shines.The story is good, it is a bit hammed up at times and Del Toro is quite heavy handed; so much so that it feels like being hit in the head with a hammer. Yes, I understand the story you’re trying to tell Mr. Del Toro, thank you for making sure I do. Also not a big fan of the narration aspect, don’t think it added much to the story. I really could have done without the Danish sailors in their entirety and this would have been a lot better. Christoph Waltz was a pleasant surprise, although his character has little to no narrative impact. I always enjoy seeing him on screen but I felt as though he was a little pointless. All in all I really had a good time watching this. It’s compelling, emotional, gorgeous, and thrilling. And God Damn You Netflix For A Limited Theatrical Release. Score 8/10

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• One Cut of the Dead Review

  Synopsis While a shooting a low budget zombie movie the crew is attacked by a real life zombie. Instead of running away, the director takes advantage of the windfall and keeps putting his cast in harms way to get his shots. And then the rest of the movie happens. Review of One Cut of the Dead I’m struggling with how much I should spoil an 8 year old movie, but I’ll just say this is a bait and switch done masterfully well. I’ve seen movies that start as a comedy, and end up being a horror comedy, and movies that start out as a horror movie and end up as a horror comedy, but this is the first I’ve seen that starts out as 100% a zombie movie, and then transitions into a 100% comedy. I was pleasantly surprised, because the horror movie was pretty bad, and when it transitioned to a comedy movie, it was so much more interesting and competently shot. It actually made me respect the filmmakers all the more that they could be convincing as both good and terrible at the same time. This is less of a horror movie, and more of a celebration of B-filmmaking. As a result, it ends up being an ode to all the reasons why people love low budget zombie movies. The quick and dirty storytelling, the fun action, the over the top special effects, and the ingenuity displayed in the filmmaking. Mostly, I’m just glad that I didn’t have to watch the opening horror movie for an entire hour and 40 minutes Score 9/10

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• Shelby Oaks Review

  This episode is soaked in an intense amount of hater-ade, due to Bryce hating Chris Stuckmann for no real reason. Synopsis Shelby Oaks is written and directed by Chris Stuckmann, the movie reviewer you get recommended if you don’t sign into YouTube. the film is about a woman’s search for her missing sister who was a (hold onto your hat) Vlogging celebrity. The mystery of the disappearance is unraveled through a series of horror tropes and clichés where it is revealed at the end that everyone got Stuckmannized. Review of Shelby Oaks I’ve got to admit, I really didn’t want to like this movie going into the theater. There’s something about a crowd sourced movie by one of the most milquetoast, non-committal YouTube movie reviewers getting a wide release that just makes me feel like I’m living in a dystopian reality. However, I was pleasantly surprised that Shelby Oaks was actually a pretty bad movie. This is exactly the type of movie that I would expect from a milquetoast non-committal YouTube movie reviewer. Its narrative style goes from found footage and documentary in the opening sequences and then just kind of abandons ship and proceeds to just be a normal Hollywood horror film. The same lack of decision making is demonstrated through a variety of plot devices that cover numerous horror tropes to explain the disappearance. Was it a stalking killer, a demon, a cult ritual killing, maybe just scary ghosts? Stuckmann clicks yes on all of them and proceeds to make a pretty derivative, boring horror movie. The most egregious part of the film was what led to most of my enjoyment. No not enjoyment, schadenfreude. I’m talking about the bizarre production and directing choices that broke any semblance of suspension of disbelief and had me constantly asking if I was being Stuckmannized. There were so many unintentionally funny moments in this movie that had me wondering if Stuckmann knew how time worked or if he took into account how humans behave in reality. Also, the film completely shoots itself in the foot with a plot that reveals way too much too early for trying to rely on mystery to be its hook. I’ll get into my nitpicks in the spoilers section, but suffice it to say that I was chuckling at the movies expense several times throughout. This isn’t to say that there weren’t good parts. the film is a patchwork of tried and true suspense techniques that are visually executed as good as most horror movies. The acting is fine, although there isn’t much to work with in terms of character development or motivation outside of what is implied through familial relations. Anyway it sucked. Score 3/10

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• Black Phone 2 Review

  Synopsis Several years after the events of the original black phone movie, Finny and his sister Gwen are still haunted by the past. Finn is angry and aggressive with the people around him, and Gwen consistently receives terrifying visions when dreaming. As Gwen’s nightmares lead her to a Christian youth camp her mother used to work at, Finn is forced to tag along while they look around for spooky clues like in scooby doo. Due to a snowstorm, Finn, Gwen, and Gwen's totally not boyfriend Ernesto find themselves trapped in the campgrounds, and things quickly turn sour as the paranormal activity ramps up. Is the grabber really gone? And why were they led to this campsite? For answers to these questions and more, go watch the film or continue this review. Review of Black Phone 2 I find Black Phone 2 to be a much more memorable film than Black Phone 1. The frozen mountain scene gives the film a feeling of isolation and hopelessness. Because the Grabber died in the first movie, Black Phone 2 is able to dive deeper into the supernatural side of the story, which I believe works a lot better for the franchise. The Grabber’s already devilish look is taken to an even darker level, given that he is now basically a literal demon. Much of the tension in the movie comes from the dreams that Gwen has. The mood of the scene dramatically shifts every time she falls asleep. I think these scenes are well done, and while it might be blasphemous to say, it reminded me a lot of The Nightmare on Elm Street movies. However, the movie really suffers from some pretty surface-level dialogue that ends up being incredibly cringy at times. In my opinion, it is not necessary for the protagonist of the movie to say a vulgar, witty quip in every scene. An actual line in this movie is, “fuck you with a dinosaur dick”. Said in a pretty tense and serious scene, by the way. It doesn't feel true to life, and neither do many of the characters. Highlights of the cast were Demián Bichir as Armando, the owner of the camp, as well as Mason Thames as Finney Blake, who gives a powerfully emotional monologue towards the end. I had some fun watching this movie, but it isn't something I would rush to the theater to see.Score 6/10

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