Dam Parenting

You catch a smell. A lotion, a tea, something cooking. And in under a second — before you've even thought about it — you're home.
That's not nostalgia. That's not weakness. That is your nervous system doing something remarkable.
This week we're joined by psychologist and cross-cultural specialist Elif Durgel, founder of Roots and Wings Academy in Eindhoven, for a warm, science-light conversation about why smell bypasses the thinking brain entirely and connects directly to memory, identity and emotion — and what that means for international parents living far from where they started.
We talk about:
Why smell hits faster and deeper than any other sense
What nervous system regulation actually feels like from the inside
The invisible extra load of living between cultures — and why July makes it louder
Why so many of us quietly deny ourselves the things that help
Why going to the expat shop isn't retail therapy — it's something more real than that
Whether you're heading home this summer, somewhere completely new, or discovering the Netherlands in July for the first time — this one is your permission slip.
20 minutes. No jargon. Just a really good conversation.

Find out more about Elif: rootsandwingsacademy.nl
Come tell us yours on Instagram

Have you ever reacted to something and thought — why did I react like that? Or carried a weight you couldn't quite name?
Today we're breaking down what trauma actually is — plainly, warmly, and without the jargon. Because if you're living in the Netherlands as an expat or immigrant, building a life far from home, navigating a foreign healthcare system, raising children in a second language — this conversation is for you.
We're joined by Adina Petre, clinical psychologist and trauma therapist , who will be joining us monthly to help us understand ourselves a little better, one episode at a time.
In this episode:
— What trauma actually is (and what it isn't)
— The difference between Big T and Little T trauma
— Why the nervous system doesn't grade on a curve
— What happens when we stay in survival mode for too long
— And why your experience is real, because it happened to you — and that is enough
Share this episode with someone who needs the words.

This episode is brought to you by MamaSocial, who connect mums across the Netherlands so you actually have a community to lean on. Brunches, mingles, networking, whatever you need — MamaSocial will be hosting something near you. Check out their website and Instagram to find your nearest one now.
Have you ever had sex because saying no felt harder than just getting it over with? In episode 3 of DAMSex, Eva sits down again with sex and intimacy counsellor Debby Poort to talk about obligation — or "duty" — sex, and what it quietly does to you, your partner, and your relationship over time.
They unpack what's really happening when one partner is having sex out of guilt rather than desire, and what it does to the partner on the receiving end of that obligation — most of whom don't actually want it that way. Debby introduces responsive desire, a concept that explains why "wanting" doesn't always come before "willing," and why that's a completely normal, healthy starting point — especially for parents whose spontaneous desire has quietly disappeared since having kids.
They also get into the orgasm gap, what a healthy "no" actually sounds like, how to respond to one without it becoming a wound, and how to keep this conversation going with your partner without it turning into an accusation.
This episode is part of the monthly DAM Sex series — sex, intimacy, and connection for international parents in the Netherlands, and honestly, everywhere else too. Brought to you this month with thanks to MamaSocial, supporting our community of mums across the Netherlands.
Find Debby Poort: yellowwood.nl
Got a question for Debby? Send it via Instagram DM or email damparentingpodcast @ gmail.com

When Aldo's daughter arrived via surrogacy in Canada, he looked around and realised he'd spent 10 years focused on becoming a dad — and forgotten to build a community for her. So he started a WhatsApp group for four or five families. Within months, it had grown to 250 members from every corner of the Netherlands.
In this episode, Aldo — founder of Queer Families NL — talks about what it actually takes to raise a child in a rainbow family here, the gap between the Netherlands' progressive reputation and the lived reality for queer parents, and the moment his two-year-old daughter came home from City Hall and said: "Mama — baby Sophia haved two papas. Kaya haved two papas."
Whether you're a queer parent, an expat family finding your footing, or someone who simply wants to raise their kids in a more open world — this one's for you.
Find Queer Families NL on Instagram: @queerfamilies.nl Tiktok @queerfamiliesNL and Aldo and Kim on @2GayDadsinNL

DAM Parenting is the podcast for international and expat parents in the Netherlands. New episodes every week.

Your child speaks the school language all year without thinking. Your language — the one you grew up in, the one your parents use, the one you hoped would just stick — has to fight for space. And then summer comes. You get on a plane. And suddenly the whole dynamic shifts.
In this episode, Eva talks to multilingualism specialist Mimi about what really happens to language development when families travel home — and why most parents underestimate how significant that window actually is.
They talk about the child who understands everything but answers in the wrong language, why love of family isn't always enough motivation, and how to have the conversations that actually help your child build a relationship with their own multilingual identity — not just manage it.
Practical, honest, and grounded in lived experience as a multilingual parent herself, Mimi brings a warmth to this topic that cuts through the anxiety and gives you something real to do.
For international families in the Netherlands navigating language, identity, and belonging.