How to Raise Kids Who Can Name and Regulate Their Feelings (and Why It Matters), Ep.36
In this special episode of UNrattled, recorded live from the Gulf Coast Early Childhood Summer Symposium, we sit down with Dr. Craig Bailey—Director of Early Childhood at Yale’s Center for Emotional Intelligence—to unpack one of the most powerful yet often overlooked tools in parenting and education: emotional intelligence. Dr. Bailey introduces us to RULER, Yale’s groundbreaking approach to social-emotional learning (SEL), which stands for Recognizing, Understanding, Labeling, Expressing, and Regulating emotions. Through storytelling, science, and humor, he helps us understand why SEL begins with the adults in children’s lives and how we can’t teach what we haven’t first practiced ourselves. From toddlers to teens, kids thrive when adults model emotional awareness, empathy, and healthy expression—and Dr. Bailey gives us a blueprint for doing just that. We dive into practical ways to “name it to tame it,” how to help children build emotional vocabulary, and why traditional strategies like deep breathing only work after we’ve learned to identify what we’re feeling. You’ll also hear real-life examples from Dr. Bailey’s own family, including a lightbulb parenting moment involving preschool drop-off and a mysterious stomachache. Plus, we explore how to use children’s books—not just the obvious emotion-themed titles, but rich narrative stories like The Dot—to spark conversations about pride, bravery, disappointment, and more. If you’re a parent, educator, or anyone who supports young children, this episode will challenge and inspire you to rethink how you respond to big feelings—and maybe even grow your own emotional intelligence along the way. 00:00–01:08 – When you don’t know how to help your child manage big emotions 01:09–01:36 – Meet Dr. Craig Bailey from Yale’s Center for Emotional Intelligence 01:37–02:36 – What is the RULER framework and how does it work? 02:37–04:35 – Why RULER starts with adult emotional learning 04:36–06:40 – Helping adults learn the skills we expect kids to use 06:41–08:15 – “You want me to work on myself?” Why adult growth is uncomfortable but essential 08:16–09:56 – Therapy, Mister Rogers, and how labeling feelings helps 09:57–12:44 – The power of naming emotions: a real-life story about anxiety 12:45–14:05 – “Name it to tame it”: why labeling leads to regulation 14:06–15:32 – A child calling out a yelling teacher—and why that’s emotional intelligence 15:33–17:31 – Why strategies don’t work if you skip teaching emotion recognition 17:32–20:10 – When kids’ emotions seem ridiculous to adults: the Lego vs. stolen car analogy 20:11–22:50 – Emotional practice starts in babyhood and prepares you for teenage years 22:51–23:48 – Using children’s books to teach emotions: not just the obvious ones 23:49–26:13 – Why The Dot is a powerful book for teaching pride and emotional growth 26:14–28:13 – Understanding others’ emotions: how stories build perspective-taking 28:14–29:12 – Helping kids articulate pride and build emotional intelligence through narratives 29:13–29:49 – Wrapping up: why Dr. Bailey’s message resonated with educators 29:50–30:34 – Credits and closing message
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