Autism Dadcast

Every parent of an autistic child has been told the same thing: just take the nappy off and sit them on the toilet. This week Gaz and Andy sit down with Charmaine, a learning disability nurse turned continence consultant with over 30 years of experience, and find out why that advice not only fails, it can make things worse.What starts as a chat about toilet training turns into something much bigger: gut health, the gut-brain connection, sleep, meltdowns, and the quiet toll this takes on a whole family. Charmaine explains why you have to start inside the body and not on the toilet, why it is learning and not training, and why no parent struggling with this has ever been failing.If you have ever felt judged, stuck, or completely on your own with this, this one is for you.Chapters00:00 Meet Charmaine, continence consultant02:45 Why toilet training is so hard for autistic kids03:34 Gut health and the gut biome05:43 The gut as a second brain10:07 Where to actually start (inside the body)11:59 The Bristol stool chart21:54 Nobody makes mistakes: parent blame and misinformation25:51 Learning, not training30:05 Why rewards do not work38:20 What the NHS offers, and the postcode lottery49:53 Why it works at home but not at school53:47 It was never lazy parenting57:42 Sleep, the brain and meltdowns1:08:50 Charmaine's support group and free resources1:13:18 The real cost: holidays, work and isolationFind CharmaineClear Steps Consultancy: https://www.clearstepsconsultancy.co.ukSupport group: How to Get the Wee and Poo in the Loo (videos, live sessions and free downloads)Socials: search "continence consultant and trainer" on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedInNew episodes of the Autism Dadcast every week. Real talk, real dads, real autism. Listen, follow and find everything in our link tree in bio.

You can know your child inside out and still be blindsided in the space of a week.
This one starts with Thomas opening the front door and wandering off down a hill in a quiet Shropshire village - the same week Lydia did almost exactly the same thing. From there it runs into the half-term chaos that brought biting back out of nowhere, the dread of summer toilet training and puberty creeping into view, and a proper kicking of the Department for Education for handing SEND to Gemma Collins after the white paper left families feeling gaslit.
Underneath the rage and the dark humour, it lands somewhere quieter. Gaz and Andy talk about the pre-autism photos, the grief that takes turns between two parents, and the two-second forehead touch that says everything a spoken "I love you" never will.
You'll come away realising two things can be true at once. You can grieve the life you pictured and still get up and be the dad your kid actually needs.

You sit down with the paediatrician. You've got half an hour. You know the
first 20 minutes will be you trying to prove your child is different to every
other child in that waiting room - and you'll walk out no further forward.

Orrin Benford knows that feeling. After a year of being fobbed off across GPs,
neurologists and urologists for his daughter Indie, he stopped trying to
remember everything off the top of his head and built something that did it
for him. This episode is about what happens when parents stop fighting and
start advocating - with the full picture, not a half-remembered one.

In this episode: Orrin's journey from digital-nomad life to full-time parent
carer in Australia, why so many parents feel gaslit by the system, the
difference between fighting and effective advocacy, and how technology is
finally letting parents drive change instead of waiting for the system to
catch up.

🔑 Key moments:
- 00:38 — Orrin's story: England, Australia, and an airport on Christmas Day
- 04:29 — The seizure the day after Indie's first birthday
- 12:15 — Healthcare in Australia vs the UK vs Dubai
- 17:05 — Why parents hand over "dirty, incomplete data"
- 19:22 — The two-page summary that changed everything
- 25:16 — Why it's not gaslighting, but it feels like it
- 37:35 — The handovers, the ring binders, and the things you forget
- 46:19 — The things that break parents are the things that didn't need to happen

If this episode helped, subscribe and leave a review - it helps other parents find us.

Follow Orrin: @OrrinBenford | The app: @theindiapp

#AutismDadcast #Autism #Parenting #Neurodiversity #ASD #SEND

Adam Parkinson came on this week. One of the Two Mr. Ps. Teaching assistant. Podcaster. Dad of two — a 10-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old autistic son called Max.
We talked about Max. We talked about the plane aisle moment his wife filmed without telling him, that went viral and started everything. We talked about siblings, and what it means to watch your daughter try not to look upset when her brother destroys her Barbie Dream House. We talked about online trolls, the dads' WhatsApp group, and the time a stranger told him celebrating his son's diagnosis was "like celebrating your kid having cancer."
And we talked about the moment in Popeye's last weekend when Max tried a chicken tender for the first time, looked up, and said one word he'd never said before.

Timestamps:
0:00 — SATs week, Popeye's, and a school uniform standoff
3:00 — Meet Adam and the family
4:00 — Spotting it during lockdown
5:18 — You're allowed to mourn the life you planned
6:23 — The plane aisle video that started everything
8:31 — Isla, sibling of the year
10:55 — When the Barbie Dream House got destroyed
11:53 — You can never relax
13:16 — What people don't understand until they live it
15:14 — The small wins nobody else sees
17:25 — Autism top trumps and 23 hours awake
18:30 — Handling violent moments differently after the community
20:07 — Verdict. Great. Outstanding.
21:25 — Are dads in the SEND world overlooked?
24:33 — Permission to talk
26:55 — The celebrating cancer comment
28:13 — Chubby Tommy Robinson and other DMs
31:51 — The dads' WhatsApp army
38:33 — Two Mr. Ps and how it started
49:17 — Pen licences and getting recognised in your swimming shorts
59:55 — Adam's advice to a dad at diagnosis

We ran the London Marathon. We didn't train. We finished it. And then we had a conversation we weren't expecting to have.

Halfway through writing this off as a marathon recap, we ended up admitting something neither of us had said out loud before. We talk a lot about wanting to be around as long as we can for our kids. But if we're honest, we're not always doing the things that would actually make that happen.

This one's got the funny stuff. The rhinos overtaking us. The fireman in full kit with an air canister on his back. The stranger who fed Gaz crisps when his calf cramped outside a pub.

But underneath all of it, the question we couldn't stop asking each other. Are we doing enough? And if we're not, when does that stop?

Timestamps:
0:00 — Medals, recovery, and the post-marathon shock
1:00 — The trainer mistake nobody warned us about
3:30 — Hitting the wall at 25k
4:53 — How slick the event actually was
6:30 — Cody's Sark and looking for Mish in the crowd
7:34 — Tower Bridge and faking it for the BBC camera
8:35 — "I'd love to do it again, but I'd train this time"
9:00 — Why we're already signing up for next year
11:21 — The bug we didn't expect to catch
12:23 — The honest conversation about staying alive
14:14 — What you'd say on your deathbed
16:11 — The other dads getting stuck in19:07 — Sean's response when he saw Mish
19:33 — Ambitious About Autism at mile 25
21:13 — Garmin lies and the 22-mile detour
22:35 — The fridge runner and the dementia genes
23:34 — The best of London on one day
27:19 — Why the donations kept us going
29:51 — The crisps, the IPA and the kindness of strangers
35:01 — Crossing the line and the wave of emotion
35:32 — The voice note that made Gaz cry
36:48 — The school forgot Thomas's good luck present
37:41 — A shout out to Spot Limited
40:11 — Buying us a coffee mid-marathon
41:35 — Adam Parkinson and the Australian app
42:31 — The kick up the arse we needed