The Gay Buddhist Forum by GBF

How can we cultivate a heart that remains open and loving regardless of the external circumstances we face? 
In this talk, Sean Feit Oakes explores the Brahma Viharas, also known as the "divine abodes" or states of the heart, as a comprehensive framework for answering this question. He explains that while the Buddha is often associated with wisdom, these practices of love are foundational for both laypeople and monastics to access extraordinary states of consciousness. 
He describes these four qualities not as separate entities, but as the "song" love sings depending on the context it encounters:
Loving-kindness (Metta): The quintessential quality of friendliness and unbounded, impersonal love.
Compassion (Karuna): What happens when loving-kindness encounters suffering and pain.
Empathic Joy (Mudita): Also referred to as "celebration," this is love encountering well-being or beauty.
Equanimity (Upekkha): A balanced, resting state of love that exists beyond specific objects or conditions, helping to prevent love from turning into grasping.
Sean weaves together diverse influences, from the devotional lineage of Neem Karoli Baba to modern poetry, to illustrate how a dedicated practice of love can cut through everyday neuroses and anxiety. He emphasizes that love inevitably brings us into contact with both beauty and the "heartbreak" of the world's suffering, yet it remains the primary vehicle for healing and waking up. 
Drawing on the Kalama Sutta, he encourages listeners to test these practices for themselves through direct experience rather than blind faith. He invites us to "turn on" the quality of love within the heart and allow it to lead one's movements and perceptions in daily life, suggesting that communities moving from a place of love have the power to ripple out and change the world.
______________
Sean Feit Oakes, PhD (he/him, queer, Puerto Rican & English ancestry, living on unceded Pomo land in NorCal), teaches Buddhism and somatic practice focusing on the integration of meditation, trauma resolution, and social justice. He received teaching authorization from Jack Kornfield, and wrote his dissertation on extraordinary states in Buddhist meditation and experimental dance. He teaches at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, East Bay Meditation Center, Insight Timer, and locally. See SeanFeitOakes.com
______________ 
To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/
There you can:  
 Donate 
 Learn how to participate live 
 Find our schedule of upcoming speakers 
 Join our mailing list or discussion forum
 Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995
CREDITS
Audio Production: George Hubbard
Producer: Tom Bruein
Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Exploring the Buddha's nine causes of spiritual and personal development, Kevin Griffin identifies one that is the foundation for all the others: community and spiritual friends. He notes that once a person has good friends, it can be expected that they will naturally become moral, hear the dharma, have energy, and become wise.
But this presents a paradox: while noble friendships are described as the entirety of the holy life, the Buddha also warns that deep attachments can lead to suffering and grief. Drawing from his extensive background in 12-step recovery and the Dharma, Kevin argues that practitioners must find a middle way between isolation and codependency. Insight arises through the practice of being present with others so long as we maintain the wisdom to let go of clinging.
The discussion concludes with a peer-led dialogue where participants reflect on balancing self-reliance with the need for compassionate, empathetic support systems.
______________ 
Kevin Griffin is a Buddhist teacher and author of 9 books known for his innovative work connecting dharma and recovery, especially through his 2004 book One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps. He has been a Buddhist practitioner since the 1980s and a teacher for three decades. He reaches a broad range of audiences in dharma centers, wellness centers, and secular mindfulness settings.
Kevin's latest book is Living Kindness: Metta Practice for the Whole of Our Lives, published in 2022. To learn more and to see his teaching schedule, visit http://kevingriffin.net
______________
To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/
There you can:
Donate
Learn how to participate live
Find our schedule of upcoming speakers
Join our mailing list or discussion forum
Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995
CREDITS
Audio Production: George Hubbard
Producer: Tom Bruein
Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

How can we cultivate a mind that stays steady, open, and responsive even when life becomes unpredictable?
In this talk, Beth Mulligan explores equanimity as a living practice rather than a distant ideal. She frames equanimity as the quiet strength that allows a person to meet experience without collapsing into overwhelm or tightening into resistance. Speaking with warmth and clarity, she describes how this quality grows not through detachment, but through intimacy with our own moment‑to‑moment experience—especially the parts we’d rather avoid.
Beth highlights several practical doorways into equanimity, each grounded in mindfulness and compassion. She explains how the mind’s habitual reactions can soften when we learn to recognize them early, and she offers simple ways to steady attention when emotions surge. Key themes include:
Understanding the difference between indifference and balanced presence
Recognizing the “eight worldly winds” and how they shape reactivity
Using the body as an anchor when the mind becomes turbulent
Allowing joy and difficulty with equal care
The result is a talk that invites listeners to see equanimity not as a final achievement, but as a trustworthy companion that grows each time we meet our lives with honesty and kindness.
______________
Beth Mulligan has completed all steps of the professional Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) teacher training program through the University of Massachusetts under Jon Kabat-Zinn PhD and his colleagues and is a certified MBSR teacher. She teaches Mindfulness at many major medical centers, Universities, schools, non-profit organizations and corporations. She also trains professionals in mindfulness-based interventions and participates in research on the benefits of mindfulness. 
With her partner Hugh she is the co-founder of Mindful-Way Stress Reduction programs which serves diverse populations across the country and in England. Learn more at http://mindful-way.com/
______________
To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/
There you can:
Donate
Learn how to participate live
Find our schedule of upcoming speakers
Join our mailing list or discussion forum
Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995
CREDITS
Audio Production: George Hubbard
Producer: Tom Bruein
Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

What stories do we tell ourselves when life feels overwhelming, painful, or uncertain?
Steven Tierney invites us to look closely at the narratives that shape our experience—especially in moments of grief and fear. Reflecting on the recent loss of Jeff Lindemood, he shows how the mind rushes to create stories about unfairness, danger, and identity, and how Buddhist practice helps us pause long enough to see these stories clearly. He reminds us that grief itself is a Buddha, a natural expression of love and impermanence, and that we can choose which stories truly support our well‑being.
We can widen that lens to the suffering in the world so we do not shut down, but respond with compassion and grounded action.
Begin meta with yourself—“I am a beautiful human being deserving and worthy of love.”
Choose stories that benefit you and others, releasing those that cause harm.
Recognize all emotional states as Buddhas, each impermanent and worthy of attention.
Let service and connection guide you, even when the world feels heavy.
Steven reminds us that the world needs what only we can offer.
______________
Steven Tierney (Kai Po Koshin) is a Dharma transmitted teacher in the lineage of Suzuki Roshi. Steven has a new Sangha: Oceans Compassion Sangha and also practices with Gay Buddhist Fellowship, Meditation in Recovery at SFZC, Great Spirit Sangha, SFLGBTQA Sangha, and the Hartford Street Zen Center.
Steven believes that we can find wisdom, compassion and awakening wherever good people come together for practice, healing, service and joy. Dr. Tierney is a psychotherapist in private practice and Professor Emeritus in Counseling Psychology at CIIS.
He is a Certified Addiction Specialist and has been named a Diplomate in Clinical Mental Health by the American Mental Health Counselors Association. He is also a certified suicide prevention and intervention trainer, providing workshops, classes, and consultations. Steven can be reached at 415-235-1061 or [email protected]
______________
To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/
There you can:
Donate
Learn how to participate live
Find our schedule of upcoming speakers
Join our mailing list or discussion forum
Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995
CREDITS
Audio Production: George Hubbard
Producer: Tom Bruein
Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

What if “liberation” isn’t an escape from the world’s pain, but the most grounded way to meet it?
In Part 2, Ian Challis continues his exploration of the journey from samsara (the spinning wheel of greed, hatred, and delusion) toward nibbāna—not as a far-off trophy, but as an orientation we can practice right here.
He frames refuge (Buddha, Dharma, Sangha) as a real-time source of strength rather than a hiding place: community, ethics, and wise effort become the “places we gather power” when life feels dystopian or overwhelming. He leans on the bodhisattva spirit—awakening that’s incomplete unless it includes others—and points out that freedom isn’t withdrawal; it’s relationship, mutuality, and shared responsibility. 
Ian also makes liberation practical and strangely familiar: most people already know its taste. He calls these moments “free samples”—brief flashes when the mind isn’t clinging (maybe in nature, art, a quiet walk, or simply watching the breath). The practice is to study what’s present and absent in those moments, and to lean into the “via negativa” of the Dharma—freedom revealed by letting go. Along the way, he offers a handful of memorable handles for the path:
“Letting go” scales: let go a little → a little peace; a lot → a lot of peace; completely → complete freedom (Ajahn Chah).
A Marie Kondo test for the mind: if a thought, habit, or story doesn’t support the wholesome, can it be released? (Although it’s easier with closets than with resentment.)
Five grounding views for hard times: trust the path, trust one’s capacity, remember support/lineage, hold that all beings deserve compassion (including oneself), and remember that actions matter.
A deeper inquiry beneath “the heart wants what it wants”: through the five aggregates, Ian points to how the survival-driven “I-making” process can run the show—until practice begins to dissolve the hard sense of “me,” revealing a deeper heart that longs for connection and true freedom. He closes by treating nibbāna with humility and faith—something the Buddha described beyond ordinary categories—and reminds listeners that the work is gradual: many small acts of integrity, mindfulness, and wisdom that keep turning the wheel toward stillness.
______________
Ian Challis is a student and teacher in the Insight Tradition of Buddhism. He is a teacher, founding member, and past guiding teacher of Insight Community of the Desert in Palm Springs.
Ayya Khema, Leigh Brasington, Narayan Liebenson, Larry Yang, and Arinna Weisman are key teachers who have inspired and illuminated his practice.
Serving Queer community is a passion. 2025 marks his co-teaching of the 9th annual Queer retreat at Dhamma Dena Retreat Center with Leslie Booker. He is also a qualified teacher of MBSR, a graduate of Spirit Rock’s Community Dharma Leader teacher training, and was formally invited by Arinna Weisman to teach in the lineage of U Ba Khin and Ruth Denison.
Find him at ianchallis.com
______________
To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/
There you can:
Donate
Learn how to participate live
Find our schedule of upcoming speakers
Join our mailing list or discussion forum
Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995
CREDITS
Audio Production: George Hubbard
Producer: Tom Bruein
Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter