The Gay Buddhist Forum by GBF

Finding a sense of lightness and joy ? Mary Stancavage explores the vital necessity of cultivating joy as a spiritual practice to maintain internal balance and equanimity in a world marked by violence, cruelty, and despair. 
Drawing on the wisdom of The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu, she argues that joy is an internal ease that remains independent of external circumstances. By embracing her personal mantra, "right now it's like this," Mary invites us to meet the present moment—whether it holds a beautiful sunrise or deep grief—with intimacy and kindness, rather than reactivity or denial.
Mary provides a roadmap for navigating the obstacles to well-being while actively "inclining the mind" toward joy. She explains that much of our distress arises from the "Eight Worldly Winds"—the fluctuating pairs of praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and pain, and fame and shame—which we must learn to hold without being swept away. To move toward this "lightness of being," she suggests several practical shifts:
Regulating Despair: Cultivating joy to balance the human tendency to fall into "doom," which Mary describes as a state of being out of alignment with reality.
Identifying Obstacles: Recognizing "foreboding joy" (the fear of experiencing joy because it might end) and the "shoulds" of societal conditioning that block self-compassion.
The Power of Gratitude: Actively acknowledging simple gifts—such as the many hands involved in bringing food to a plate—to neurologically prime the brain for well-being.
The Bliss of Blamelessness: Living a life of integrity and non-harming, which creates a sense of safety for others and a lightness of spirit for oneself.
Mindful Presence: Using mindfulness as a foundation to stop reacting to discomfort and instead rest in the "sweetness of loving ourselves."
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Mary Stancavage has practiced meditation, yoga, and cultivated a spiritual practice for over 35 years and in 2009 was empowered to teach Buddhadharma. She teaches classes, retreats, coaches and mentors individuals and has facilitated several Year-to-Live groups. She has served as a volunteer hospital chaplain and been involved with leadership in several non-profit organizations over the years both in meditation and in the social justice arena. 
She is currently a member of the Guiding Teachers Council for Insight Community of the Desert, and is a Board Member of both Meditation Coalition and CLUE: Clergy and Laity United for Economic Justice. For the last several years, Mary has investigated what it means to live with an undefended heart and more information on this can be found on her website, https://marystancavage.org  
Fun fact: Mary has an MA from UCLA and spent several seasons working as an archaeologist in Syria.
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Audio Production: George Hubbard
Producer: Tom Bruein
Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

How can we prevent our hearts from hardening against a brutal world and instead use our own imperfections as a bridge to connection?
Joe Goode addresses this by arguing that while political or social resistance is necessary, the act of opposition can unintentionally cause us to harden, losing touch with the vulnerability where love and intimacy live. He suggests that instead of trying to "fix" ourselves or bypass suffering, we should practice loving the "broken bits" of our own minds—our regrets, meanness, and anxieties—much like a parent loves a mischievous or hurting child. By shifting away from the idea of a "fixed" or isolated self, Joe explains that we can cultivate a soft heart that nurtures interdependence rather than individuality.
To move these concepts from the mind into the body, Joe leads a series of experiential practices that blend breath, sound, and movement to serve as a "balm" for the "imperfect and vulnerable" self. He teaches that the aging or incomplete body is not a problem to be solved but a tool for deepening our connection to reality. His framework for this embodied practice includes:
Tender Attention: Holding a finger to represent a specific negative thought or recurring doubt, breathing into that "vulnerable body" and offering it special care rather than animosity.
The Soothing Sway: A side-to-side rocking motion used as a "universal calming action" to quiet the mind and accept the "fearful, broken, or less-than self".
Interdependent Sound: Vocalizing specific tones (such as "m," "ah," and "ee") to feel the physical vibration in the bones while simultaneously "pouring" one’s sound into the collective "envelope" of the room.
Receptive Clearing: Using the heat of the hands to clear "extra thoughts" from the eye sockets before opening the palms to receive "spacious thinking" and "fresh possibilities".
Ultimately, Joe suggests that by treating the body as a "single sensing organ," we can discover that being fully present in our physical form and movement is no different than meditation itself.
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Joe Goode is the artistic director of The Joe Goode Performance Group, and a professor in the Department of Theater, Dance, and Performance Studies at UC Berkeley. He has had a meditation practice since 1979, and has incorporated Buddhist principles and meditation practices into his choreographic works. His work blends theater, dance, and spoken word, to focus on the fallibility and imperfection of being human, believing that the creative impulse is a step toward the alleviation of suffering.
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To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/
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CREDITS
Audio Production: George Hubbard
Producer: Tom Bruein
Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

How can we maintain a steady heart and a sense of purpose when the systems we rely on seem to be collapsing and the world feels overwhelmed by conflict?
René Rivera shows us that equanimity is not mere "composure" or "evenness of temper" -- a misunderstanding that can lead to suppressing anger in order to remain perfectly calm.
Drawing on a three-month retreat in South Africa, René suggests that true equanimity (upekkha) is better understood as a "balanced heart" or "steadiness" that allows for a deep intimacy with everything we experience. In this way practitioners can find a grounded base that holds both waves of grief and anger and the stillness of a settled mind.
To navigate these turbulent internal and external landscapes, René provides a framework for distinguishing genuine balance from its common obstacles and identifies the qualities that cultivate resilience:
The Far Enemy (Reactivity): The direct opposite of equanimity, characterized by craving, aversion, and an attachment to specific outcomes.
The Near Enemy (Indifference): A "spiritual bypass" that looks like calmness but is actually a form of avoidance or detachment that refuses to feel.
The Lesson of "Old Survivor": An 800-year-old redwood tree in Oakland that survived a "tree apocalypse," serving as a metaphor for the capacity to endure cycles of loss and radical change.
The Balanced Heart of the Brahma Viharas: Equanimity acts as the container for loving-kindness, compassion, and joy, creating an "abundant" and "immeasurable" heart capable of holding the fires of social struggle and personal grief.
Ultimately, René suggests that equanimity is not a solo practice of isolation but a relational one—a radical "yes" to experiencing the reality of the present moment with full presence and awareness.
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René Rivera is a meditation teacher and restorative justice facilitator working and learning in all the spaces in-between race, gender, and other perceived binaries, as a queer Latinx trans man.
René teaches heart-centered, trauma-informed meditation, as a core teacher at the East Bay Meditation Center. He offers classes and retreats for many Buddhist centers and groups, with a focus on supporting LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC practitioners. He leads trainings on how to create spaces that are inclusive and accessible to transgender, nonbinary and gender expansive people. René is a facilitator in training for the School of Consent and a restorative justice facilitator, working to heal sexual and gender-based violence.
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To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/
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CREDITS
Audio Production: George Hubbard
Producer: Tom Bruein
Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

How can we maintain a compassionate heart in a world defined by conflict? 
Sean Feit Oakes shows us how we can use the Brahma Viharas—the "immeasurable" states of love, compassion, joy, and equanimity— to provide an internal sanctuary from the "poisons" of greed and hatred. 
He explains that the Buddha taught these practices as the essential foundation for wisdom, inviting us to radiate a boundless friendliness that offers an escape from suffering within our own hearts.
Using the story of the "wounded king" Ajata Satu, Sean illustrates how even those burdened by terrible past actions can find solace through ethical living and metta (friendliness). He suggests transforming our "inheritance of toxicity" by leading with warmth in all areas of life:
Universal Friendliness: Bringing a "benevolent" heart to every mundane interaction.
Compassion: Allowing the heart to "quiver" or shatter in response to suffering rather than turning away.
The Difficult Person: Wishing ease even for those who cause harm, acknowledging their basic desire for happiness.
Self-Kindness: Shifting one's internal dialogue to be tender and supportive—even calling oneself "sweetheart"—during difficult inner work.
By invoking this "boundless" friendliness, Sean argues that we can heal our own internal karma and ripple that change out into the community.
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Sean Feit Oakes, PhD (he/him, queer, Puerto Rican & English ancestry, living on unceded Pomo land in NorCal), teaches Buddhism and somatic practice focusing on the integration of meditation, trauma resolution, and social justice. He received teaching authorization from Jack Kornfield, and wrote his dissertation on extraordinary states in Buddhist meditation and experimental dance. He teaches at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, East Bay Meditation Center, Insight Timer, and locally. See SeanFeitOakes.com
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To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/
There you can:  
 Donate 
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 Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995
CREDITS
Audio Production: George Hubbard
Producer: Tom Bruein
Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Daigan Gaither helps us examine how we can remain deeply engaged with a suffering world without losing our sanity, despite the "fire hose" of constant information and activism. 
He explores the phrase "it's okay to not be okay" as a living practice rather than a mere platitude. Drawing on his experience as a Zen priest and long-time activist, Daigan explains that the Buddhist commitment to "not turning away" from suffering can sometimes lead to a state of being "overpowered" by the sheer volume of global crises. He argues that practitioners must learn to differentiate between the information they truly need and the noise that causes unnecessary overwhelm, while also paying close attention to "internal consumption"—the rigid thoughts, judgments, and expectations we impose upon ourselves.
Daigan emphasizes that being "okay" is not a static state achieved through knowledge or following rules, but a continuous process of returning to the present moment. He suggests that the heart of practice is the ability to sit still amidst whatever is happening and connect with the raw reality of one’s own body and mind, rather than the stories we tell about them. To cultivate this resilience, he highlights several key approaches:
Mindful Consumption: Recognizing that thoughts, media, and opinions are forms of consumption that can create a cycle of anxiety if not monitored.
The Pursuit of Joy: Actively seeking out "pockets of safety" and small moments of delight—such as videos of babies laughing or the support of a community—to avoid falling into hopelessness.
Investigating the Body: Viewing mind and body as inseparable and investigating where emotions live physically (such as shallow breath or tightness) to transform abstract "big feelings" into manageable sensations.
The Power of the "Return": Accepting that 90% of practice is simply the act of settling back into awareness whenever the mind wanders into "not being okay".
By viewing this internal struggle as a koan to be investigated, Daigan invites listeners to find a sense of liberation that doesn't require the world—or themselves—to be perfect.
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Rev. Daigan Gaither (he/him) began Buddhist practice in 1995 in the Vipassana (Insight) tradition, then began studying Zen in 2003. He received Lay Ordination in 2006 where he was given the name Daigan or “Great Vow,” and received Priest Ordination in July 2011. 
Daigan speaks internationally on a variety of topics particularly around gender, sexuality, social justice, and their intersections with the Dharma. He also sits or has sat on a number of boards and committees that serve community needs and further social justice causes.
Daigan has a BA in Philosophy and Religion from San Francisco State University, and an MA in Buddhist Studies (with a chaplaincy certificate and a certificate in Soto Zen Buddhism) from the Graduate Theological Union and the Institute of Buddhist Studies. He lives in San Francisco, CA and identifies as a disabled, queer, white, cis male. Learn more at https://queerdharma.net
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To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/
There you can:  
 Donate 
 Learn how to participate live 
 Find our schedule of upcoming speakers 
 Join our mailing list or discussion forum
 Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995
CREDITS
Audio Production: George Hubbard
Producer: Tom Bruein
Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter