Outwitting the Manipulator
Dr. Dennis Becker & Robin Golinski

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- This episode features Robin and Dennis’s appearance on the Schein On podcast. Host Evan Schein interviews them about their 2021 book, Outwitting the Manipulator: Protecting Yourself in Real Time, which identifies 24 common manipulation tactics and focuses on defending yourself while manipulation is happening. Robin shares that the book was inspired by her own experience being manipulated and emphasizes having enough distance to teach others. Robin and Dennis discuss how difficulty detecting tactics depends on context, how gender dynamics can affect targeting, and why smart, trusting people are prime targets. Key strategies include building awareness, journaling to spot patterns, staying neutral, staying curious, and asking questions to disrupt a manipulator’s momentum. They address workplace manipulation (especially public humiliation), high-conflict divorce and co-parenting, and red flags like charisma and heroic self-framing. They react to quotes about blame, believing behavior, and guilt.
You can find the book, Outwitting the Manipulator, on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Outwitting-Manipulator-Protecting-Yourself-Real-Time/dp/1953806244
Robin/Dennis website:
https://www.outwitinrealtime.com/
Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/outwitting-the-manipulator/id1644706232
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4peb6yxqyrYQllAo8c6KTE?si=NbBsepYzSc-FWrwOjHAuCA
To get your copy of Robin and Dennis's on-Demand Training Course made up of eight video modules, practice worksheets and more, go to www.manipulator.help and use the password FREEDOM to get 25% off. In their friendly and expert style, Robin and Dennis will help strengthen your ability to defend yourself from manipulation as it is happening.
The Schein On podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/schein-on/id1541360422
Topics
00:49 Why Write This Book
02:18 Real Time Defense
03:20 Hardest Tactics Spot
04:29 Gender and Manipulation
05:55 Awareness Comes First
07:08 Smart People Targeted
07:57 Politeness as Weapon
09:16 Manipulation vs Persuasion
11:46 Do Manipulators Know
14:27 Workplace Power Plays
15:41 Mastering Neutrality
18:08 Curiosity and Patterns
19:23 Divorce Conflict Tactics
20:29 Co Parenting With Manipulator
23:13 Spotting Litigation Manipulation
24:52 Gender Patterns In Control
25:40 When The Manipulator Hires You
26:43 Courtroom Audience Shift
28:44 Red Flags For Professionals
32:28 Curiosity Courage Questions
34:39 They Said It Quotes Game
40:42 Final Takeaways And Thanks - Grey Rock may protect you for a moment—but it won't change the game. Robin Golinski and Dr. Dennis Becker explain why lasting protection comes from understanding manipulation rather than simply avoiding it. They reveal the crucial difference between tactics and strategy, how manipulators deliberately condition targets to comply, and why recognizing predictable patterns allows you to respond strategically in real time. The ultimate goal isn't just surviving manipulative encounters—it's becoming someone manipulators recognize as too difficult to control.
The goal isn't to avoid manipulators. The goal is to outwit them. - This episode goes beyond tactics to the deeper work of healing. Michelle shares how her greatest victory wasn't changing her manipulative ex—it was changing herself. By learning to outwit rather than fight, she rebuilt her confidence, escaped the constant fight-or-flight response, and reclaimed her peace. Robin and Dennis explain why the goal is never to change the manipulator, but to understand their psychology and communicate strategically. Michelle also offers a powerful reminder: seeking the right coaching early can save years of emotional turmoil—and thousands of dollars in unnecessary legal battles.
- In this episode of Outwitting the Manipulator, Robin Golinski and Dr. Dennis Becker explore one of the most painful costs of manipulation: the erosion of trust — not only in others, but in yourself. They explain how manipulators often build trust quickly through charm, attention, false vulnerability, and perfectly timed support, especially when you are already vulnerable. The episode offers practical ways to slow down the trust-building process, notice when someone’s actions do not align with their words, write down odd patterns, and protect yourself before disclosing personal information that could later be used against you.
- In this powerful episode of the Outwitting the Manipulator podcast, Robin Golinski and Dennis Becker explore how manipulators weaponize shame to control, silence, and destabilize others. They unpack the difference between shame and guilt, explain why shame is such a deeply rooted emotional trigger, and reveal how manipulators exploit personal insecurities, public embarrassment, and over-explaining to gain power. Through real-world examples and role-play scenarios, they teach listeners how to recognize these tactics in the moment and respond strategically with calm, concise communication instead of emotional defensiveness.
Visit https://www.outwitinrealtime.com/
Topics
00:00 Shame Meets Manipulation
01:43 How Shame Forms Early
04:45 Shame Versus Guilt
06:23 Shame As Leverage
09:17 Everyday Shame Triggers
14:03 Spot It In Real Time
16:52 When Shame Is Misread
17:58 Responses That Disarm
20:40 Stop Apologizing
20:59 Explanation Trap
21:54 Manipulator Roleplay
23:40 Excuse Versus Explain
25:43 Less Is More
26:26 Short Sweet Response
29:35 Tone And Delivery
31:55 Shame Inventory
35:04 Closing And Resources
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Over Outwitting the Manipulator
Welcome to Outwitting the Manipulator, the podcast that gives you powerful techniques to protect yourself as manipulation is taking place. Your hosts are authors and communication experts Robin Golinski and Dr. Dennis Becker.
You can find the book, Outwitting the Manipulator, on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Outwitting-Manipulator-Protecting-Yourself-Real-Time/dp/1953806244
Our main website:
https://www.outwitinrealtime.com/
Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/outwitting-the-manipulator/id1644706232
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4peb6yxqyrYQllAo8c6KTE?si=NbBsepYzSc-FWrwOjHAuCA
To get your copy of Robin and Dennis's on-Demand Training Course made up of eight video modules, practice worksheets and more, go to www.manipulator.help and use the password FREEDOM to get 25% off. In their friendly and expert style, Robin and Dennis will help strengthen your ability to defend yourself from manipulation as it is happening.
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Outwitting the Manipulator
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