10% Happier with Dan Harris

Move on from the inner critic and beat perfectionism without lowering your standards.
Dr. Ellen Hendriksen is a clinical psychologist who helps people calm their anxiety and be their authentic self. She serves on the faculty at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD) and is the author of HOW TO BE ENOUGH: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists and HOW TO BE YOURSELF: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. You can find her on Substack at How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself. This episode originally aired in 2025. 
In this episode we talk about:
The relationship between perfectionism and anxiety
The definition of perfectionism––and why the word is actually a misnomer
Dr. Hendriksen's own struggles with perfectionism, and how they manifested physically
The difference between healthy perfectionism and unhealthy perfectionism
Changing your relationship with your inner critic 
Shifting from rigid rules to flexibility
Keeping high standards while making room for mistakes
Overcoming procrastination
Navigating social comparison
And much more

Related Episodes:
Strategies for Social Anxiety | Ellen Hendriksen
The Voice in Your Head | Ethan Kross 
How To Move Into The Future With Optimism Instead Of Anxiety | Frederik Pferdt
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Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here, or sign up to livestream here!

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Plus: How your envy can be useful, why you're an unreliable narrator of your own life, and why you keep choosing partners who echo the unfinished business of your childhood.
Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which has sold over three million copies and has been translated into over 30 languages. In addition to her clinical practice, she writes The New York Times "Ask the Therapist" advice column and is co-host of the popular "Dear Therapists" podcast and the advice podcast Since You Asked. 
In this episode we talk about:
Why insight alone doesn't change anything, and what "idiot compassion" gets wrong
Whether you actually need to like your therapist
Why there's no such thing as a hierarchy of pain
How to spot a help-rejecting complainer, including in yourself
What envy is actually trying to tell you
Why a real boundary is a bid for connection, not a cutoff
Why we're all unreliable narrators, and how to edit the story you tell about yourself
Why we keep choosing partners who echo our unfinished business
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Additional Resources: 
Maybe You Should Talk To Someone Workbook
Maybe You Should Talk To Someone Journal
Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here, or sign up to livestream here!

This episode is sponsored by:
Function Health: Join at functionhealth.com/happier or use the gift code HAPPIER25 for a $25 credit toward your membership.
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Why optimization is a joy blocker, how to find the 'yes' inside the 'no,' and why that restless ache you can't shake is actually your compass.
Kate Bowler, PhD is a four-time New York Times bestselling author, award-winning podcast host, and an Associate Professor of American Religious History at Duke University. She studies the cultural stories we tell ourselves about success, suffering, and whether (or not) we're capable of change. Her newest book is Joyful, Anyway.
In this episode we talk about:
The dangerous difference between joy and happiness
Why optimization and self-mastery are quietly killing your capacity for delight
How to find the "yes" inside every "no" (even when things are genuinely terrible)
The ache and restlessness you can't shake—and why it's actually your compass, not a problem to solve
What grace actually looks like when control disappears
How to stop trying to improve your way into joy
The "assignment" that changes how you show up for other people
Why survival isn't the point—living is
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Additional Resources: 
Everything Happens for a Reason (and Other Lies I've Loved) 
No Cure For Being Human (and Other Truths I Need to Hear)
Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day!
Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here, or sign up to livestream here!
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This episode is sponsored by: 

BetterHelp: Online therapy, matched to your needs. Get 10% off your first month at www.betterhelp.com/happier.
Gusto: Try Gusto today at gusto.com/HAPPIER, and get three months free when you run your first payroll.

What a fake guru discovered about genuine connection, why ancient wisdom survives even the most rigorous skepticism, and the real reason humans crave spiritual authority.
Vikram Gandhi is an award-winning and boundary-pushing director of fiction and non-fiction film and television. Vikram most recently co-directed The Man Will Burn — a five-part HBO Original Documentary Series on the full arc of Burning Man, from its countercultural roots in San Francisco to the 80,000-person desert event it's become.
In this episode we talk about:
Why an experiment built to reject capitalism ended up swimming in it
What playing a fake guru taught him about how belief actually works
Why people are often more comfortable opening up to a stranger than to those closest to them
What religion, cryptocurrency, and Burning Man all have in common
How to find meaning in ancient wisdom without needing to belong to anything
And much more
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This episode is sponsored by: 
Jiyu Skin: Our listeners can now get an additional 20% off plus free shipping with our code HAPPIER at jiyuskin.com.
Tonal: Right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code HAPPIER.
Rosetta Stone: Ten Percent Happier listeners can get 20% off their Rosetta Stone Sapphire subscription when they sign up today. Visit rosettastone.com/happier to redeem your 20% off.

Simple practices for not believing everything you think, becoming less reactive, and handling whatever life throws at you.
Joseph Goldstein is a cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society and the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies, both in Barre, Massachusetts. He is the author of many books including, most recently, Dreamscapes of the Mind. 
In this episode we talk about:
Why your thoughts have so much power over you — and how to take it back
A surprisingly funny technique for dealing with self-judgment
Why trying to get rid of an unwanted thought often makes it worse
The difference between recognizing an emotion and actually being mindful of it
Why sadness and unhappiness aren't the same thing
And much more
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Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here
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