Deeper Sex - A podcast about deeper connections and incredible sex

“Feeling safe” is what makes great sex possible: your nervous system needs to feel completely at ease to really let go — but when your intimate encounter gets too safe, too planned, too nice, it’s no longer sexy. No matter if you’re man or woman.

So how can you feel safe enough / provide the necessary “nervous system safety” to get sexy and maybe even a little kinky, without becoming boring? That's what this episode is about.

We discuss:

why your body won't do what you want on until it’s sure there's no tiger behind the tree

why decisiveness is sexy: how to lead in bed without taking away their choice

the nice guy paradox: how to stop getting friend-zoned now

how to ask for what you want without fearing rejection (hint: it's not about you)

If there's something you've been wanting to try, or say, and you haven't felt safe enough to go there yet, this is what you want to listen to today.

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CHAPTERS:

01:30 Why men need to feel safe too

02:43 How to ask for something that you want, and be ok with a NO

03:12 How to have deeper conversations with your partner

03:41 What to do when energies don't exactly match

06:46 Why is the sense of safety so important

07:56 Safe enough or too safe?

10:19 Why decisiveness is sexy

13:15 How to regulate the nervous system – bedroom edit

14:17 The more they feel seen, the safer they feel

16:49 Safety starts with yourself

18:14 Secret Fantasies Live Workshop

19:43 Curiosity is what gets you laid

22:48 "Would you like to...?" vs. "Can I...?"

28:49 How to "actively listen"

31:01 How to touch “with quality”

33:52 How to re-establish safety in long-term relationships – and get that New Relationship Energy back

36:49 What if I'm afraid of being rejected?

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You might also like - related to this topic:

E19 | Threesome Fantasy? How To Talk To Your Partner About It (And Make It Happen) - on Apple or Spotify

E22 | How To Share Secret Sexual Desires & Why We're Turned On By Taboos - on Apple or Spotify

E23 | What's Really Cockblocking Your Wildest Fantasies (And How To Stop That Now) - on Apple or Spotify

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Chiara Hardie is an intimacy coach who shows you how to stop giving a damn what anyone thinks. She helps you find the confidence and freedom to express what you've never dared say — be it sex, taboos, or your relationships.

Meet your mother's worst enemy at her next LIVE online workshop: Reserve your FREE seat

📩 FREE GUIDE: How to talk about sex with your partner — download our 10 prompts

If anyone has ever said that to you "You should not be wanting so much sex" - related to how often you want it, a fantasy, or a desire that turned up uninvited — this one is for you.

We go straight to the point today: shame is the cause of almost every problem in a relationship.

We discuss:

how shame is something that we are not born with – but that is rather taught us – for good and, not so good, reasons

how body shame is a boner/libido killer

why you should trust your desires

how stop giving a fuck about what people think creates space for curiosity, endless possibilities, and new levels of pleasures

If you’ve ever found yourself fighting with your partner about how much sex you’re (not) having – listen to this and go back to that conversation.

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TIMESTAMPS

02:01 What is shame?

04:44 Shame is learned

07:09 What are you ashamed of?

10:46 Body image shame

12:40 Intimacy: the relationship with yourself, before anybody else

15:50 Stop giving a fuck and it will affect others

16:42 What happens on the other side of shame

18:15 Shame as an identity

19:17 Shame for kinks and fantasies

22:28 Trust your desires

24:58 Shame of craving intimacy with a partner

26:42 Ban the phrase "you should not want this" and you'll have a happier relationship

28:32 How knowing your values improves and deepens your relationship

29:43 Shame is a mechanism of control. Control comes from fear

 

For more info, visit deeperlovers.com

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Curious about this topic? Don't miss these other episodes:

» E4 | Don't Like The Way You Look? Reframing Body Shame Leads To Deeper Intimacy – Listen on Apple or Spotify

» E23 | What's Really Cockblocking Your Wildest Fantasies (And How To Stop That) – Listen on Apple or Spotify

» E24 | Why Suppressing Your Sexuality Is Counter Productive And How You Can Live Out Your Fantasies – Listen on Apple or Spotify

» E26 | Open Or Monogamous Relationship? Neither Lasts Without These 3 Pillars — With Eva Di Pierro – Listen on Apple or Spotify

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JOIN CHIARA'S NEXT LIVE WORKSHOP: "How To Share Your Secret Fantasies"

Reserve your seat

⚡️ FREE LIVE WORKSHOP: "How To Share Your Secret Fantasies" — join Chiara live. Reserve your seat ⚡️

Today we are joined by Eva Di Pierro - a somatic practitioner and bodyworker who's spent over 15 years guiding individuals, couples and leaders into deeper connection and presence — we trained under her years ago and have been working with her since.

Will and I built our relationship on being open. Eva built hers on staying monogamous. We sat down to find out what actually makes a relationship work — and it turns out the model has almost nothing to do with it.

In this episode we explore:

what is a Sacred Relationship how to have one

why idolising your partner is a just a trap

how past fears impact your present relationship

the 3 pillars of a successful relationship (Intimacy, Polarity, Devotion)

whether monogamy is a "safer" option than an open relationship – but not necessarily the only “right” option

the difference between choosing from Love or from Fear (Chiara’s favourite)

people’s “craziest” fantasy – it’s not what you think!

For more info, visit deeperlovers.com

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TIME STAMPS

03:52 What is a Sacred Relationship

05:11 Transactional Sex vs. Sacred Love

06:29 Why idolising your partner doesn't serve you (nor them)

12:17 What is Devotion

14:58 What happens when only one partner wants to grow

19:30 Faith and Trust as "Devotion"

21:33 How past fears impact your present relationship (or lack thereof)

24:38 Pillar 1: Intimacy

25:07 Pillar 2: Polarity

25:28 Pillar 3: Devotion

27:13 Sacrifice = Giving up something for Something Sacred

28:28 Being Worshipped to Know We Are Enough

31:53 Shallow vs. Deep Relationship Choices

33:27 Are you choosing from Love or from Fear?

34:28 Your Open Relationship Will Fail Without Clear Agreements

36:39 Deep Intimacy is THE most craved fantasy

38:24 Practical ritual tip for the highest form of intimacy

41:55 Touch more, Talk less

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If you enjoyed this episode, don't miss:

» E16 | How To Restore Masculine/Feminine Polarity To Bring The Passion Back When Your Relationship Gets Meh – Listen on Apple or Listen on Spotify

» E23 | What's Really Cockblocking Your Wildest Fantasies (And How To Stop That) – Listen on Apple or Listen on Spotify

» E25 | Partners Variety Fantasy But In A Monogamous Relationship? Here's How You Can Have Both – Listen on Apple or Listen on Spotify

==

JOIN CHIARA'S NEXT LIVE WORKSHOP: "How To Share Your Secret Fantasies" - Reserve your seat here

Book your free spot: Chiara’s Live Online Workshop “How To Share Your Secret Fantasies” – limited seats available

Most people fantasise about being with someone other than their partner. That’s normal. The question is what you do with it.

In this episode, we get into one of the most common — and least talked-about — sexual fantasies: desiring variety in sexual partners.

We cover what ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy) looks like in practice – with all its various flavours - and how monogamous couples can safely explore this territory without anyone doing anything with anybody else. This is one of the many things that become possible when you learn to share fantasies with each other.

We also end up in a surprisingly good conversation about "having a type" — where it comes from, why biology explains far less of it than you'd expect, and what you might be missing out on if you keep yourself constrained to a rigid checklist of qualities to tick off.

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TIME STAMPS

00:00 E25 Non-monogamy fantasy - having variety

01:25 Partners variety (ENM) is amongst the most common sexual fantasies

03:59 ENM structures: dating separately

04:32 ENM structures: dating together as a couple >> shared experience

05:08 ENM structures: polyamory

05:19 Fantasies as a tool to explore ENM for monogamous couples

07:15 How To Share Your Secret Fantasies - live workshop

08:32 Why variety is important

09:24 Is "having a type" blocking or expanding your relationship potential?

12:16 Why do we have "a type"?

15:31 Become aware of your own conditioning to access a wider dating pool

18:57 Awareness is key

25:20 Listen to your dreams

For more info, visit www.deeperlovers.com

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Curious about better expressing and making your sexual fantasies happen? Don’t miss these episodes:

 

>> E19 | Threesome fantasy? How to talk to your partner about it (and make it happen) – Listen on Apple or Spotify

 

>> E22 | How to share secret sexual desires and why we're turned on by taboos – Listen on Apple or Spotify

 

>> E23 What's Really Cockblocking Your Wildest Fantasies (And How To Stop That) – Listen on Apple or Spotify

 

>> E24 Why Suppressing Your Fantasies Is Counter Productive – Listen on Apple or Spotify

⚡️Join us live: Free Online Workshop “How To Share Your Secret Fantasies” - Limited spots available⚡️

What if the fantasy you've been hiding is the exact thing your relationship needs?

Most of us treat our desires like secrets — something to protect our partner from.

Today we are joined by Paris, a longtime tantric practitioner and facilitator who went from completely frigid to living out every fantasy she's ever had. She is one of Will and Chiara's main teachers.

In this episode we discuss:

🩶 why suppressing your fantasies makes them more obsessive, not less

🩶 how jealousy can turn into compersion (the opposite feeling to jealousy) — and what it takes to get there

🩶 the orgasm myths that's keeping millions of men and women from the best sex of their lives

🩶 tantric practices to expand genitals sensitivity and presence

🩶 how you transform your relationship when you start sharing out loud your desires

🩶 why men exploring their feminine side might be the sexiest thing you've ever witnessed (and how to get started)

🩶 the 21-day challenge that rewires how your body experiences pleasure

Sharing and going after your desires doesn't damage a relationship. It deepens it. Listen to this incredible episode to know how.

==

TIME STAMPS

02:57 It's Time To Normalise Fantasies

03:42 Free Fantasies Live Workshop Invitation

04:41 Do You Know Where The Man's G-spot is?

05:47 Why It's Important To Live Out Your Fantasies

07:50 Serving vs. Taking

09:10 We Are Wired To Be Attracted To Others!

10:29 Jealousy vs. Compersion

11:05 Deal With Your Childhood Issues First!

11:57 Jealousy Is About YOU, Not Them

12:20 Jealousy Is Often FOMO

14:24 Try This   Biohack For Porn Addiction

16:53 How To Stop Your Sexual Obsessions

18:11 Why Suppressing Your Sexuality Is Counter Productive

20:24 Find A Tantric Community Near You...

21:26 ...Or Get Really Good At Communicating

24:28 Let's Normalise Sexual Language

25:26 Embrace The Slut Within You (for men and women)

26:54 How To Experience More Pleasure ( Debunking Orgasm Myths)

29:07 How To Improve Your Sex Life

34:17 The 21 Day Challenge

35:06 The Allowing vs. Forcing Principle

37:51 Exploring Fantasies As A Doorway To Deeper Connection And Trust

44:47 Bi-curiosity And Shame

46:46 Threesomes As Doorways To Brotherhood

48:29 Our Top Tips For Today

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For more info, visit www.deeperlovers.com

Paris & The New Tantra school: https://thenewtantra.com/

==

More episodes on the same topic:

 

>> E17 | How to get 10-minute long orgasms (for both men and women) - Listen on Apple or Spotify

 

>> E19 | Threesome fantasy? How to talk to your partner about it (and make it happen) – Listen on Apple or Spotify

 

>> E22 | How to share secret sexual desires and why we're turned on by taboos – Listen on Apple or Spotify

 

>> E23 What's Really Cockblocking Your Wildest Fantasies (And How To Stop That) – Listen on Apple or Spotify