But Are You Happy?

You’ve probably heard the advice to "trust your gut." But what happens when your gut missed something that broke your heart?
Whether you've been cheated on, lied to, blindsided by someone you loved, or simply had your trust shaken, rebuilding it can feel impossible. Not just trust in other people, but trust in yourself.
In this episode of But Are You Happy?, host Ashani Dante is joined once again by clinical psychologist Sarah Bays to unpack what trust actually is, why betrayal can completely dismantle our sense of safety, and how we begin putting ourselves back together afterwards.
Together, they explore why rebuilding trust isn't about pretending you'll never get hurt again, but learning to believe you'll survive if you do. Sarah explains the difference between trusting others and trusting yourself, why rushing to forgive can sometimes delay healing, and how to tell the difference between genuine remorse and empty apologies. They also unpack the role our childhood plays in shaping how we trust, the hidden ways past pain sabotages new relationships, and why overprotecting yourself can end up costing you the connection you're searching for.
The conversation also explores why your nervous system often knows more than your conscious mind, how curiosity is more powerful than self-blame after betrayal, and the importance of accepting uncertainty rather than trying to eliminate it. Finally, Sarah shares practical strategies for rebuilding confidence in your instincts, navigating forgiveness without abandoning your boundaries, and learning to stay open to love without losing yourself.
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Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here.
Feedback: podcast@mamamia.com.au
Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.
Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.
CREDITS:
Guest: Sarah Bays
Host: Ashani Dante
Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman
Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown
Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti
Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman
If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.
Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You’ll want to send this episode to your friends who are perpetually exhausted, overcommitted, or anyone whose version of "rest" is actually just deep scrolling on the couch while their mind continues to run at 100 miles an hour.
Did you know that sleep doesn't automatically equal recovery? Or have you noticed that after a supposedly lazy weekend, you sometimes wake up on Monday morning feeling more depleted than you did on Friday night?
In this episode of But Are You Happy?, host Ashani Dante sits down with clinical psychologist, speaker, and mental health consultant Shuktika Bose to explore why modern rest no longer feels restorative. We go beyond the superficial self-care trends to uncover the psychological gap between simply stopping your body and actually switching off your brain.
Together, they discuss why your nervous system keeps draining your battery like 40 background apps running on a phone, even when you are physically lying still. They break down the seven distinct types of rest, revealing why sleeping won't fix your exhaustion if you're actually lacking sensory, mental, or emotional downtime. Shuktika exposes the "earned rest" trap, examining how our culture has conditioned us to view a break as a reward for good behavior rather than a basic biological requirement. Finally, they confront the uncomfortable nature of stillness itself, and why stopping our frantic schedules can feel deeply threatening by forcing us to face the messy emotions we've been running from.
The conversation also explores the heavy mental load carried by women juggling unpaid labor, challenging the toxic assumptions of hustle culture and offering small, realistic micro-habits—like the 90-second transition ritual—to help your body safely complete the stress cycle and find genuine peace.
Support independent women’s media and get our biggest offer of the year. Subscribe here for 30% off your annual Mamamia subscription. Code applied at the checkout. Offer ends June 30.
Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.
Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here.
Feedback: podcast@mamamia.com.au
Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.
Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.
CREDITS:
Guest: Shuktika Bose
Host: Ashani Dante
Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman
Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown
Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti
Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman
If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.
Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You’ll want to send this episode to every friend who casually drops the phrase "I'm so depressed" when they're just having a bad day, or anyone trying to figure out where normal sadness ends and something much heavier begins.
Have you noticed how casually we throw around major mental health terms over coffee, accidentally minimizing a condition that deeply impacts both the brain and the body?
In this episode of But Are You Happy?, host Ashani Dante sits down with clinical psychologist Julie Chapman to explore the complex reality of depression. We go beyond the casual slang to uncover what it truly means.
Together, they discuss the danger of casual language and why confusing ordinary sadness with a clinical episode does a disservice to both. Julie breaks down why depression looks completely different from the outside depending on who is experiencing it, meaning those closest to you might only ever see the tiniest cracks. They look at how a major life shift, like a relationship breakdown or having children, can shatter the protective people-pleasing structures keeping our underlying pain at bay, while confronting the physical reality of mental illness to dismantle the myth that we are just heads on sticks.
The conversation also explores the relationship between our minds and bodies, challenging common assumptions about what a depressive episode looks like and offering practical insights into recognising a system failure before the spiral takes over.
Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.
Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here.
Feedback: podcast@mamamia.com.au
Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.
Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.
CREDITS:
Guest: Julie Chapman
Host: Ashani Dante
Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman
Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown
Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti
Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman
If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.
Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are you being "breadcrumbed" (do you even know what 'breadcrumbing" is?). Are you trapped in a loop of romantic ambiguity, where you're getting just enough intimacy to stay hooked, but left staring at your phone wondering if you're even allowed to call them when you're having a bad day?
In this episode of But Are You Happy, host Ashani Dante talks with clinical psychotherapist Sarah Bays to pull back the curtain on the confusing world of situationships. We’re moving beyond the surface level to explore the psychological tightrope of living in relational limbo, unpacking why we consistently compromise our own needs just to avoid the terrifying discomfort of real vulnerability.
Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.
Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here.
Feedback: podcast@mamamia.com.au
Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.
Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.
If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.
CREDITS:
Host: Ashani Dante
Guest: Sarah Bays
Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman
Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown
Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti
Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You will want to send this episode to your husband, brother, boyfriend, son and all the men in your life.
Did you know that some online influencers use a rented facade of Lamborghinis and mansions just to trap young men into harmful algorithmic loops? Or have you noticed the boys in your life changing how they act the second they are in a group?
In this episode of But Are You Happy, host Ashani Dante sits down with guest Ben Vasilou, CEO of The Man Cave, to pull back the curtain on the rise of the manosphere and modern masculinity. We’re moving beyond the surface level to explore the real-world harm this toxic content has on young people and our personal relationships.
Together, they dive into how the manosphere operates as a lucrative business model targeting the isolation of young men, while sharing practical ways guys can find the courage to call out their mates' bad behaviour in everyday moments. The episode also addresses the heavy emotional burden of shame and fear that well-intentioned men carry, busting the myth of hyper-masculinity - proving these rigid stereotypes are just environmental conditioning, and that true masculinity is simply learning to be a good human being.
Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.
Watch But Are You Happy? on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here.
Feedback: podcast@mamamia.com.au
Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.
Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.
If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.
CREDITS:
Host: Ashani Dante
Guest: Ben Vasilou
Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman
Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown
Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti
Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.
Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.