WTF Bach

Bachian folklore claims Bach used to disguise himself and wander into random churches to play the organ. After a few minutes the warden was frightened it was either the devil himself or Johann Sebastian Bach. I imagine this piece would have given such an impression.
Pedal Shoes Anyone?

The Passacaglia BWV 582 appears in the Andreas Bach Book upside down. Its title is in all capitals, spelled like the title of this episode. (Curiously, Buxtehude’s Passacaglia in D Minor BuxWV 16 also appears in all capitals, spelled the same— but it is not upside down.) Have a look:
If we rotate the page and zoom in, we see the famous opening bars, played with only the feet:
On this theme, Bach pens 20 variations, culminating in a brilliant fugue. The fugue has two countersubjects. Until I made this episode I hadn’t considered the Trinity as a possible vision for the fugue (the nature of countersubjects often demands that they move at different speeds to the theme) but it may be a helpful image:
I went long on this episode, so I wasn’t able to feature a full recording of this, I’ll be back in a few days to feature Paul Jacobs. In the meanwhile, here is Ton Koopman’s recording with a score:

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TRANSCRIPT:
Hi everyone evan here thanks for tuning in just a quicker episode today or maybe it will be as long but certainly more spontaneous the few days I usually prepare for the podcast researching and writing the show I will now be busy preparing for and playing my first organ concert. I’m quite excited about that. I wrote about this experience at length and I want to share that piece with you. I’m not sure if I’m going to read it aloud on the podcast, however, as it’s a personal essay. In fact, it’s so personal I’ve really been on the fence about whether I should share it or not since I admit some things about myself. Fears, doubts, hesitation. I really don’t hold back. So anyhow, if you’re listening to this podcast without being subscribed to the Substack, you might miss this. But if you follow the links in the episode description, you will be notified when I publish that essay about playing an organ concert, probably the first week of August or so. Thanks, meanwhile, to all my listeners who write me, who offer their insights or their curiosities. Thanks for those of you who take out a paid subscription on Substack. This support means I don’t have to take that one gig that pays, but I really don’t want to play it because it eats away at my soul. Instead, I can focus on what I love about this gig, which is sharing with people what I love about music. Thanks for the support. So a piece I love, a piece that floored me the first time I heard it, this recital, this organ concert ends with that piece, The Mighty Passacaglia and Fugue BWB 582. It’s about time we discussed this piece on the show. No, this is a piece that if you’re into Bach... You haven’t missed this. If you haven’t heard this piece before, take note of where you’re sitting or where you’re standing or maybe you’re running listening to this podcast. Maybe you’re that one listener of mine who rides a tractor while listening to the podcast. Remember where you are because this is the type of piece that you remember where you were the first time you heard it. So let’s go. It’s an early masterpiece, the Passacaglia. In my opinion, the great triumph of Bach’s youth may be this very piece. It comes down to us in a manuscript in the so-called Andreas Bach book, one of the two major collections of keyboard music that gives us remarkable insight into Bach’s youthful compositions. This is a pre-Weimar work. The bulk, I suppose it’s safe to say, or at least a major creative burst of organ compositions happened in Weimar. This precedes that. This is the same period that we’re discussing in these cantatas. 1707 Bach is 22 years old. And if you look into the manuscript, it appears upside down. It’s quite a thrill to flip through the Andreas Bach book and suddenly you wouldn’t even notice if you weren’t really paying close attention to what is upside down. But yes, this Passacaglia... The whole piece is upside down, but it’s not like the pages were sewn in upside down or anything like that. The scribe, Bach’s brother, he turns the page and he flips the whole manuscript 180 degrees in order to pen in the pascalia. Why? Hmm, I assume it has to do with page turns. The idea that this piece is so special that his brother turned the manuscript is probably a modern idea. Anyhow, what is a pascalia? Well, pascalia means, etymologically, to walk the street, to pass the calle, signor. The other form we’re familiar with on this show, the chaconne. We just heard Bach’s first cantata, which ends with the chaconne. These forms, pascalia, chaconne, are very similar. In fact, so similar by the time the Baroque composers inherited these forms, they’re virtually indistinguishable. Pascalia, chaconne, these are pieces with repeated bass lines with bass lines and harmonies that happen over and over and over like a set of variations frescobaldi is the one who took these forms from possibly what distinguishable forms they were and changed them into the form we know which is essentially a piece that starts slow then gets faster and faster in a series of variations so let’s pass the calle with the 22 year old Bach I’ll be switching between two sounds today. One that sounds like a real organ, this one. This is 466, so it’s like the organ that Bach would have had in Mülhausen. A half-step higher to our ears. This sounds like C-sharp minor to our modern ears. It is, in fact, C minor on the keyboard. And this one here... I also apologize if this... This episode is a bit more free than usual since I’m not taking too much time to edit it but this one here which is the electronic one sounding in C minor just to give you a sense of this piece in as many different opportunities as we can hear it so we are walking this street and we begin walking in the pedals like this and this is the melody this is the theme this is the glue that holds everything together this here And that note there is the lowest note of the pedalboard, the lowest note of the organ, unless it’s one of those rare organs in tyringia that has a low B on pretty much any organ you’ll see today. This is the leftmost note of the pedalboard. The biggest pipe would be reserved for that. So I’ll play that melody again in the hands so you can hear it a bit higher. Bach will make 20 variations on this. 20 variations on this. So let’s go through them slowly. Feet alone. One of the greatest openings. Just play the melody with your feet. And then he brings in the hands. Here we go. that’s variation one you start to notice all these really subtle things here so initially there’s three voices and the bottom one always goes down first so so we hear this bottom one descending but then just one time the middle voice goes down first but then back to the bottom voice And you hear that tuning, that sixth tone tuning. So with the G in the bass, you get this lovely dissonance. Goodness. How marvelous is that to hear this pain resolve into consonants? Just a little variation there, this Now, that’s variation 1. Variation 2 starts out quite similarly. The exact same way as variation 1. But then, immediately, we hit this beautiful chord. This E flat, E flat major 7th chord. The hands are getting lower and lower. That’s variation two. Now, out of variation two comes, naturally, variation three, and it comes out of these low depths, and we have this beautiful counterpoint. I will play without the pelety line, without the pelety, without the petaline. So that’s the counterpoint there in Variation 3. Why don’t I play that so you can hear that even more clearly. So it’s Starts like a cannon, in fact. Is imitated in the middle voice. And in the bottom voice. So we have this three-part cannon. And the top voice so expressive is in the top voice. I just love this And this at the end. Not good enough. Twice. Still not enough. Three times. Gorgeous. And in this final scale here, he adds a fourth voice, so no longer three voices but one, two, three, four. So I will add the pedal line here so you can hear that third variation now with the pedals. Gorgeous. Let’s go back to the acoustic organ. And I might have to slow this down again as the piece is speeding up. And speeding up indeed we get our first 16th note so this 16th notes from this smooth 8th Counterpoint to this. With a bass. so far the feet have done nothing but play this over and over again all the way through that was variation four but now we have something different in variation five suddenly the feet stop playing this line and we have this counterpoint these broken octaves going from top to bottom This piece is getting quite fast. I do have to tell myself when I begin this piece, don’t start fast because the music itself gets faster and faster. So if you start fast, you are looking at quite an enthusiastic finish. Anyhow, these lines in the manuals in the hands, but the feet are dancing. Beep-bo. so from slow moving quarter notes and half notes to quicker music but still struggling to get momentum we get the momentum It’s steadily mounting, and then we get sixteenths. And now our feet begin to get animated. Now on variation six, at last, sixteenth notes unbroken. And this is just a beautiful stretch of music. I will play it here without the pedals so you can hear... But it goes seamlessly for the next two variations. So yeah, in fact, I will play variation six, seven, eight in this sound here. And we’ll marvel at the counterpoint slowly. Here’s variation seven. Notice it’s going the opposite direction. It was going up at first in variation six, but now we’re going down in variation seven. And that is the lowest note of the manuals. Now, still going on variation eight. We’re adding some more complications. It seems like we’re going in waves now, sort of up and down at the same time. Right hand up, left hand down, then reverse. So out, now in. And yes, if you’re listening to these harmonies, you’re like, whoa. D flat in the left hand, then the next D natural in the right hand. And here we have This glorious flat tunes Db major with the pedal. Now the pedal, through all those variations, just singing the theme. So let’s add it from variation six. That was variation 7. Here’s variation 8. Great. Now we’re on to variation 9, and we have something different. still sixteenth notes but no longer scales and we get this lovely imitation between four voices so alto tenor bass soprano tenor bass tenor soprano bass alto tenor bass okay so just little little figures one two three four that’s half the variation you can see some of these notes like this beautiful D flat in this tuning quite painful like listen to it goodness and now those little one two three four start to go into eight one two three four five six seven eight Again, three times, one, two, and three, and the variation. Okay, so let’s play this variation from the beginning. And I love playing this one in the pedals because it’s all left, right, left, right. Left, right. Right. Left, RIGHT. Left, RIGHTE. Left, RIght. Left,RIt. Left,Right. Left, Right. Left,right. Left,righ. But then at the very end of the last one is right, left, right, left. Because you go all the way to the bottom. Okay now here we have something unique, something distinct. This is the first time in the piece that I personally change manuals, but given any organist, they could change manuals anywhere. But I see this next variation, this is variation 10, as sort of a reset. It’s like the double, where we have this theme. But now something happening over the top of it going faster. If you’ve missed my episode on dubles, just go to wtfbach.com and search dubla and you’ll have the episode on listening to dubles. Anyhow, it’s just a fancy way of saying doubles because now we have this melody with something going double or in this case 16th notes against these quarters. and the melody in the pedals is no longer legato it’s punctuated like this Okay, and with that punctuated melody we’ve got chords in the left hand. Together they sound on both manuals like this. Okay, now, this is beautiful. What happens is this 16th note line keeps continuing into the next variation. Here’s variation 11. So from all the way up here, In variation 10, do all the way down to the bottom at variation 11. Now, you might be saying, but something’s missing. Yes, something is missing. It is the theme. now variation 12 variation 12 is extremely complicated in the pedals we’ve got for the first time bach really showing you yeah so far i’ve done a bit of this maybe a bit of this maybe a bit of this but this variation 12 begins in the pedals so help our tap dancing muses So that’s and it happens in imitation with other voices. So pedals, alto, tenor, alto and tenor. So it’s like they’re in variation. Bach says, yeah, don’t think you’re getting a break from the pedal, because all of a sudden we have this very difficult pedal passage. So I’ll play that, as I’ve never tried to play it before, without the theme, so you can hear just the counterpoint. And why don’t I do that on the synth? You can see this all the way down to the bottom. I don’t know if you can hear that down there in the speaker. Sorry. That’s the very bottom of the keyboard. Yeah, so what was missing in that particular variation was the theme there. And up top, it just has your ordinary theme. So variation 12, now a bit slower. Any organists out there can commiserate. about how much time we spent on that particular variation that is very difficult now going on variation 13 bach again drops the pedal and he’ll drop the pedal for how many variations three variations the following three variations all manual lighter you can play them on your piano if you want and they are beautiful the theme sort of goes into hiding it’s no longer this but it’s this how glorious is that if i play them at the same time or if i play the theme on top of this varied theme we’ll hear something like this Isn’t that lovely? The other voices dance around it in brilliant counterpoint. This is one of my favorite variations. 13. Thirteen. How gorgeous, I mean that’s, isn’t that incredible? now something wholly different variation 14 now what’s this what is this what is this all of a sudden just arpeggios i mean how simple now here is one of my favorite moments because for the first and only time i believe bach decides on this d e in the theme right the theme goes d e now you could re-contextualize this d e in a lot of ways and that’s one of the ways that bach does it is this half diminished chord to the minor chord but here for the first time and i’ll have to double check if i’m right about the only time bach decides to recontextualize it like this into major chords b flat major and e flat major so you get this magical moment in the midst of all these arpeggios how beautiful is this And that’s the end of the variation. But yeah, just extremely special and simple. One more time through it, why not? In fact, I like to add this very expressive ornament right at that moment. I don’t know. Did it work? Now variation 15 is even simpler. So we had arpeggios in sort of two voices. You know, two notes at a time. Two notes at a time. But now variation 15, if you’re looking at this on the page, it’s just one line. One line going from top to bottom. That’s it. outlining the shape now this is played in two different ways it is played this way in on one keyboard Or it is played like this on two keyboards, and I don’t know if this might be a bit too contrasting to the current setting I have. Maybe I’ll try the other way around. Anyhow, that’s not quite working on this organ right now, so let me put it into two areas of your speaker, and I think this will work much better yes this will work How magical is that? Or I could try it the other way where the keyboard’s reversed and you’ll hear the opposite. bach? bach bach bach bach bach But marvelous music, so simple, and yet the design is just absolutely fascinating. And you hear our theme in there, sort of sneaking in like this. Dum-bum, bum-bum, dum-bee, dum-bum, bum-bee, dum-bum, bum-bum. bum bum sort of passing between the octaves like this talk about like broken melodies or fractured fractals fractured fractals okay Going back to the regular organ and going back to the regular tempo. The next variation starts with the full organ. Pedals are back with the theme. So before we had this upward rising, now we’ve got something going down. In the left hand here, the left hand is the best variation for the left hand because the left hand is this. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. Three. In fact, if I played the sort of accentuated chords and the theme, we would have this. These downward arpeggios resolve themselves into boom, that accentuated chord. From variation, this is now variation 16. You’re asking yourself, can this piece get any faster? And the answer is obviously. That’s variation 17. Yeah. Just fire, fire descending from the heavens with the bass line. Now we enter the last three variations, the last three variations, and they are nothing more than just adding sound, adding sound, adding sound constantly. Note the bass line is syncopated. Pum-pum. Pum-pum. Now, these are variations 19 and 20. This is one of my favorite pieces in music. Listen to just the hands. 20. I believe that Bach composes a written out ritardando there because this double sixes in all the hands in all the hands all two of them Yes, that is a slowing down because that is the end of the pascalia. But this piece is the pascalia and fugue, so there’s a whole fugue to follow. But before we get into the fugue, we have to add the bass line to variations 19 and 20. Just this sound adding to sound. now this version i mean look at what bach has done here he’s simply taken one shape and he’s put it in four different places or it’s sort of like he it’s phasing it’s steve reich type stuff these are the outer voices nothing complicated nothing at all the inner voices also sixths but when you play them together you get well i could start with the right hand or the left hand but when you play them together I don’t know if you’re getting this sort of like weird stereophonic effect. Something is happening with the sound. Bach’s knowledge of what happens with the sound and sustain and an absolute magical variation. I’ll try it in two speakers so you can hear that effect even perhaps more marvelously. A bit lower. What is going on there? Dreamy. And then of course, when you add the... pedals. Last three variations of the pascalia. now there’s a fugue what’s this? tema fugatum a fugue based on the theme this is a three-part fugue it’s a fugue with two counter subjects obviously this and this lilting figure you heard just one last thing as the pascalia ends bach carefully writes this chord in such a way that this c which leads on to the fugue has a separate stem so bach is saying it’s not over this final chord has a voicing to it and this note here right in the middle is not over yet normally you hear a slowing down but if you didn’t you would hear it just like that okay so we’re going on here’s the second part of the fugue Have you been sick of C minor? Have you been missing other keys? Because so far this entire piece has been in C minor. Me, I get absolute goosebumps when the piece modulates here just like this. To G minor. What is this music, this divine music? And suddenly, these sixteenth notes. So that’s the third part. Talk about God the Father. God the Son proceeding from the Father What? one in being with the father and the holy spirit flickering like tongues and the first time we’ve got this theme in g minor but so far this is just the hands where are the feet where are the feet here they are The thrill of being able to play this music with your four limbs overwhelming overwhelming absolutely overwhelming okay let’s call the holy spirit theme let’s call that three let’s call this theme two and let’s call obviously the main theme one from top to bottom one two three that’s one and two and three on the bottom This is the feat now with one, two in the top. Meanwhile, three is right in the middle. From top to bottom, two, three, one. So we had one, two, three. Now we’ll have two, three, one. Another permutation. Suddenly, G minor, number one in the middle. number three the holy spirit theme on the top and number two in the pedals we get this beautiful permutation another one in the middle back into c minor this one this is in the alta voice this is one but there’s another voice on top this one And we’re modulating from C minor into the relative major E flat major for something that’s absolutely beautiful. Hear this. Two below one. And I hope you’ve got your dancing shoes on because this is what the feet play. The feet play that crazy Holy Spirit theme. Here I go. Absolutely marvelous. I had the thrill of being able to hammer that out with your feet. Here is the whole music. Where are we? Where are we? We’re in this beautiful key of E flat major. No more pedals and this Glorious theme for the first time in the major key. I love that touch to go instead of going we go Damn, these glorious sighing fifths. Okay, but like I said, one in the bass, two in the middle, the Holy Spirit just on top. And now, what is this? What is this variation? Measure 204. Nothing. Absolutely nothing is here, except the utmost simplicity. What is this sequence? I mean for it to just come out, listen to this left hand line. For it to come out of this immensely complex music and then have Bach just hold back, just hold back, lay everything bare, just the elements. theme in the middle two up top holy spear on bottom we have to leave this happy place we have to go back into c minor or at least a minor key g minor pedals Okay, what is this music? What is going on here? Two in the middle. Three, the Holy Spirit on top. The bass had the theme. Together, all like this. You get this wonderful passage here, modulatory passage, no themes. I’ll slow down a bit. So we have this... like the second theme in the feed and so together Where are we going? Beautiful modulation. It’s like through F minor. And here’s C minor. Theme in the middle. So the theme in the left hand. Holy Spirit in your right hand. The God the Son in your feet. here we go now hold on to your hats this section is well hold on to your shoes because this section is all about the feet watch this that’s the feet followed by left hand followed by feet Followed by left hand. Followed by feet. Okay. While the right hand has these infinite staircases. Whoa. Again. Again. So you’ve got this incredible passage. we’re back in g minor now theme in the top underneath the theme number two and i hope those feet are feeling frisky because we’ve got the holy spirit again So, here we go. This modulation here... Oh god, this is in the sequence. where are we going to f minor and here we go this is this is where it just absolutely screams out the tuning this everything f minor i think for the first time the sub dominant the pedals the middle and even below them What is on the top? My goodness, just this screaming line of chromatic pain. Here we go. Did you hear this? G-flat against C. We are not ready to quit. So just nothing to say about this. We’re modulating from this painful F minor back into C minor. Here are what the hands play. Meanwhile, the feet doing that three times thing again. Two. Three. Yes, and combine that all.Okay, now here is where we get something very fun indeed. Left hand. Feet. Isn’t quite ready to play that, but we’ve got... And this is where we, our fingers are just saying, oh, I can’t play, can I play any faster? While the feet just dance beneath it. Listen to that line in the feet. Under the trill. Here’s where we get our last permutation again the holy spirit still dancing in the feet theme up top number two in the middle and we’ve got yet a fourth line of counterpoint in there to bring us to this texture Now this is just where Bach celebrates. I mean, listen to these feet. watch an organist absolutely dancing ask them to play this line in the feet Slow music over it. And we get... And we’ve got this... Very exciting flashes in the feet. and also in the hands and these chords that chord there the neapolitan doesn’t matter what it is that’s the chord you can hit once in the piece that’s the chord you can hit once and then do a fermata and then say yes that is when you would have every single stop out on the organ you would the organ would be struggling to keep up with the power needed to play with all the stops pulled all the stops out bach here writes after this fermata adagio lowest note nice and comfortable you’ve got two you’re playing with both feet here left foot there right foot here so you’ve got just every part of your body and your heart And your fingers and your toes are just... That’s the Pascalian fugue. I’m looking at the time realizing i’ve gone over the hour. I don’t know why i thought i could do this in under an hour but i definitely didn’t think i would use up an hour so easily so i’m gonna stop the episode and in a few days i’m going to give you either the performance or a link to the performance of paul jacobs live performance of the pascalia friend of the show pauljacobs it is Just a stunning recording and then i’m going to provide you with a computerized version that is very straight and very very slow because i’ve had to practice this piece so slowly in order to get it into my body and when i do it so slowly I notice a bunch of dissonances and things that i otherwise wouldn’t notice so i’m going to play it extremely slowly And then i want you the listener to play around with the playback speed listen to it in 1 .5 speed Listen to it and two times be listened to it if it goes faster on And whatever app you’re using hopefully the Substack app it’ll allow you to change speeds and in that way maybe you can hear this architecture in as many different ways as possible so thanks for listening sorry this went over I can’t believe it’s an hour already I need to go practice and here’s Gabby I’ll be telling you that you need to sign up to wtfbach.com thanks very much


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At just 22 years old, Bach set the immortal words of David, ‘Out of the depths I cry to thee, O Lord.’ From the opening bars, we see depths, cries:
The second and fourth movements already show Bach’s interest in using chorale melodies in his cantatas. To the Psalm text, Bach adds a 1588 Hymn by Bartholomäus Ringwaldt, asking for mercy, Erbarm dich mein. How lucky we are to see seeds of the Matthew Passion planted as early as 1707!
The finale uses a fugue with a countersubject to paint one single line of text: And he will redeem Israel is painted with lively 16th notes, joyful even, while, from all his sins appears as a rising chromatic line. Bach, with a fugue, realizes theology:
I forgot to mention in the episode: The fugue in the last movement was arranged as a fugue for organ in g minor, BWV 131a. The attribution to Bach has been contested, but it nevertheless makes for a wonderful fugue playable by one person. When I was making my own electric rendition of the fugue, I was struck by how similar parts are to the organ fugues in c minor, BWV 537, a very late work, but also the youthful BWV 551, both of which were covered on this show. I like this recording a lot, have a listen!
Wow! That’s Fabulous.

Rudolph Lutz’ performanceMasaaki Suzuki’s recording
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Concepts Covered:
Bach's Cantata BWV 131, "Aus der Tiefen rufe ich, Herr, zu dir," composed in 1707 when the composer was just 22 years old in Mülhausen, organist at St. Blasius Church, stands as a remarkable setting of Psalm 130 for bassoon, oboe, strings, and continuo. This sacred cantata integrates the 1588 Lutheran hymn text by Bartholomäus Ringwaldt, "Herr Jesu Christ, du höchstes Gut," demonstrating Bach's early mastery of chorale melody integration in cantata structure. The fugal finale translates theological meaning through musical architecture. The cantata's closing movement exists in an organ arrangement (BWV 131a.) N.B. the dedication to Dr. Georg Christian Eilmar, clergyman at St. Mary's Church.


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— Who is Doctor Conrad Meckbach, and what is he doing in the middle of cantata 150?!
Using clues from a clever acrostic spread throughout the text, scholars have securely dated this cantata to Bach’s years in Arnstadt. Penitential in theme, it would have been performed during Lent, 1707. It is now considered Bach’s earliest cantata.
You Oughta Cantata!

The finale, an early chaconne, (as I forgot to mention in the episode!) served as Brahms’ inspiration for his own chaconne in the last movement of his last symphony. Brahms was one of the editors of the Bach-Gesellschaft when this cantata was first published, so here we see the remarkable moment where the 22 year-old Bach inspires the 52 year-old Brahms. Note the similarities in shape, the flute line in particular:
Bach’s early cantatas are full of sudden tempo changes. These cantatas are Wagner’s harbingers much more than the later models. The text wholly dictates the mood— even the shapes of the fugue subjects— the choir, unlike in the later cantatas, drives the drama through the majority of movements. This page, for example, looks typical of the early style:
The beginning of the 4th movement particularly beautiful. The words ‘lead me’ are painted with a rising scale passing through each part, one section leading the next:
See the acrostic (Doktor Conrad Meckbach) via Hans Joachim Schulze’s work:https://bjb.publia.org/bjb/article/view/2270/2196
Ton Koopman’s recording:Masaaki Suzuki’s recording:
BWV? Bach Would Vouch!

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Concepts Covered:
BWV 150, Nach dir, Herr, verlanget mich, For You, Lord, I Long, as Bach’s first cantata, the acrostic found in Hans Joachim Schulze’s work: Who was Doktor Conrad Meckbach, and what is he doing in the middle of an early Bach cantata? Arnstadt vs. Mülhausen. Bach’s tone painting in his early years, the text driving the fugal shapes. We discuss form to Early Bach, how Bach’s early years rely on a freedom of form, whereas later in his life he narrows the focus on form— quite the opposite of the trend of most artists in history.


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Am I the only one who hates when people ask what I ‘do?’
Composed first as a dialogue, I decided to make this more stream of consciousness, as today is Bloomsday (though this is not the least bit Joycean.) With which Evan will you sympathize? I imagine many of my colleagues have experienced similar thoughts… or am I the worst…?Are musicians, ‘artists?’ Or perhaps, are artists that make music, musicians?Is taste merely a matter of class? Where does preference stop and ‘snobbery’ begin? Do you agree with Pierre Bourdieu’s judgment of taste?Do you like Sibelius?
Spread Your Fingers:

Yeah.Evan.Likewise.What I…? Oh what I do…
Right, well, if you ask me what I do, I’m going to tell you: I breathe, I walk, I sit, I sleep, just like you! Just like you. What I do.
I might venture that I’m an inventor, or no longer need to work, because, right out of university, you see, I came up with a really clever patent for trampolines that has prevented the paralysis of hundreds of bouncing children— if not thousands.
Yes, yes, every month, every month checks. …for all the new trampolines in the world that have my… device somewhere on the side of the, trampo—Yes, it is odd being rich from trampolines. But, I’ll take what I can get.
That’s a good line, ‘odd being rich from trampolines.’
I’m also a professor of 18th century German religion at an online University in …sssSingapore!Singapore? You ask. Yes, yes, Singapore.Do you, lecture online, what with the time change and all that?Yes, yes, with the, with the time change.
Truth hurts: I play the piano and harpsichord and organ. You’ll ask, ‘Is that all you do.’
Is that all I do. Is that all I do. Let’s say I were the 17th best flamenco dancer in the world, but I had to supplement this with bus driving.
‘Hey! There’s Evan the bus driver’ not ‘Hey, there’s Evan, the 17th best flamenco dancer in the world.’ You might consider me a fairly good dancer, best dancer in the village even— but I’d still be, ‘Hey, there goes Evan the bus driver.’ But if suddenly, suddenly, flamenco paid well enough where I could stop driving the bus,‘Hey! There’s Evan the flamenco dancer.’
I wouldn’t have gotten any better or worse at dancing the whole time.
I hate these parties where people ask you what you do. I want parties where that’s not allowed, where you lead with, what is your favorite color? The no small talk party. You guys going to the no small talk party? It’s actually going to be enjoyable.
Somewhat vibrant green bordering on blueish… what’s yours? Oh did you meet Sheila? She also likes the greenish blues!
What’s your main fault? Hey Dave, nice to meet you, what’s your main fault. You ever cheated on someone, Dave? Who is your favorite heroine in fiction?
Yes, that’s all I do. All I do is play the piano. Oh, it must be so nice to be able to make a living with your passion.
I hate it when people say that. Passion. Overused word.
Yes, it is. It’s a good life. I’m healthy I’m happy. I am healthy and I am happy. What did that guy say on Instragram? ‘every day, wake up, sip lemon stare into the sun and say, today is going to be a great day, today is going to be a great day…’
Yes, I should say this to myself more often. I am grateful.
But sometimes— sometimes!— I wonder if I had given it all up to be the snowplow man, I wouldn’t have to remind myself to remind myself to be grateful. Just— pkcchhhh— plow the roads, up at at ‘em before even the well-employed! Thermos full of coffee, heater blasting, 20 below out, but I’m in a T-Shirt in here… pkchhhhh— plow the snow, plow the roads— what’s on the radio? Not my colleagues and thank god for that. Who’s got time to remind themselves to be grateful now? Snowplow man! Honk Honk!
Do you have any idea what it’s like to not be accountable to anybody but yourself, to make your own deadlines, to create your own goals, make your own structure? If suddenly people woke up and had to create their own work, no one would get out of bed! When robots replace everything, no one will know what to do, but I’ll carry on exactly as I always have. I got fugues to learn man! Let the robot sweep my house, do my laundry, but unless the robot’s gonna write in useful fingering, I’m busy! No one will ever pay to hear robot pianists.
Oh …my god. Robot Pianists.
These parties. These parties. This vapid socializing! Look, if 95% percent of success is showing up, I’ll take 5% of my potential fame, thank you— You’re a pianist? Oh, I heard this fantastic pianist play the most incredible Schumann — or was it Schubert…’
Was it me? Oh, wasn’t me?! As if they were any good, I wouldn’t be overcome with jealousy, and if they were mediocre, I wouldn’t abhor them for destroying our profession with mediocrity!
Don’t talk to a musician about musicians. Unless you’re drinking buddies with Leo van Doeselaar, I have no interest whatsoever in your anecdotes.
But shouldn’t I be glad to speak to someone who goes to the symphony— who even goes to the symphony?
I should! I’m not! Last thing you do when you meet a working actor is talk about all the movies you’ve seen. Wasn’t Brad Pitt great?! Get a life.
This thinly disguised sacred— sacred humility placed upon us by none other than Beethoven, of course, and the fact that we may no longer enjoy music for the reasons we once fell in love with it… likely a classical musician. You guessed it. I must look it. Over qualified. Underpaid. Bitter. Do I have the posture of a classical musician? You bet.
And then, I don’t know what’s worse, ‘do you like Sibelius? I used to take music lessons as a kid I never learned how to read do you ever listen to Eric Clapton?’ Did you know that actually Eric Clapton and Paul McCartney don’t know how to read music’ Well it’s about f***** time they did! If they’re such geniuses, have ‘em solve a treble clef.
Doesn’t read music. This kills me. It’s like talking about your favorite author who doesn’t read. No really, he doesn’t know how to read! He just talks into a microphone!And you enjoy that?Yes, yes, now would be a bad time to mention your nephew is a DJ. Is there a defibrillator nearby, because I’m going to need to revive the part of me that just died.
Also a musician. Also! a musician. What because he makes sound? There, did you count that glass that just fell off the table a musician, also a musician? I’d rather listen to broken glass than your nephew. Ha! What you think about that?!
Lots of people took music lessons, lots of people can pick up an instrument and play a little something, and a lot of these people, especially the men, fancy themselves ‘good at music.’ Hence, I’m gonna put musician in my bio. Art lover, coffee historian, dog walker, musician.
So...?
Well, so a lot of people know how to play ping-pong too. And I feel like the olympic ping-pong player.
Is… that a phrase?
You remember the olympic ping-pong player who once explained, ‘there is no other sport where, if you tell someone you’re a professional, people respond by saying… ‘I dunno! I’m pretty good…’
So I’m out to prove I’m an olympic musician, and I’m better at music than this party of non-professional musicians. Exactly.
Exactly. Okay. This is where we are. Measuring yourself against non-professionals… Oy. I need a drink. Where is the bar.
It was only recently pointed out to me that feeling like an imposter is a good sign, really, because real imposters never have imposter syndrome. Turns out the real imposters think they’re ‘pretty good!’
So… I want people to know, that even though I’m a professional, and the world thinks I’m really good. I still think I’m really bad, at music.
Okay.
Do I really think that I’m bad at music? Well, I didn’t practice enough today… Didn’t practice enough the last seven years really. Oh well, I never had the dreaded 9-5…
The dreaded… the dread— This is exactly what I’m talking about! this is the 9-5 man!What, writing dialogues featuring split personalities.Indeed! Hear, hear!
Everything is research, even the way I’m going to order this drink is a performance.
‘Negroni please. No garnish.’
Ha ha, no garnish. Bet that threw him off. He wasn’t expecting that little bit of flare. that was my improvised cadenza. Being an artist is crazy work.
Ugh, did I say artist? Artist! I hate that word artist.
Are we not an artist?
Not for us to say.
Musician. Musician, now this is fine. I can go over to that piano and entertain this whole party. Can your DJ nephew do that? Schmuck.
Sit down and play a little Scott Joplin, Evan.Coming right up.Got any Schubert in there?I dunno, Johnny, does a bear crap in the woods?Hahaha.
They’d be so charmed.
Only a musician can do that. An artist —why they need curation. They need their tools handy or they can’t create. I can make music on a bottle cap. Musicians don’t just sit around waiting for the muse to whisper…
Do people think that?
Everybody thinks that! That’s the Cliche! For most people music is American Idol. It’s a lucky break. That’s all success is: a lucky break— everyone wants to know how I can make ends meet if they couldn’t. Can’t be hard work, couldn’t possibly be hours of grueling hard work, what did I have a good manager or something?
Author, director, educator, socialite, content creator, cat mom, musician…
Puke! Vomit creator. Can you add that one please? Vomit creator.
What do you do?I’m a Vomit creator.Accurate, accurate!
Maybe like, entertainer… Something demeaning. You’re in the entertainment business— but I’m on the quest for truth.
Well, I mean… some pop musicians do understand harmony… yes, yes, I did learn a lot from playing rock music, some classical musicians, actually a lot of classical musicians are more like gymnasts… like robot gymnasts.
Oh my god. Robot Pianists. Robot pianists doing flips!
Snob.
Oh, fine. I’m a snob. At least it’s an anagram of Boss… Ha!
Wait, no it’s not. It’s an anagram of …No BS, there you go. Yes! Fine! I don’t tolerate BS.
Call the person a snob who spends his life studying something— when he declares it more rewarding than your pop culture—’he’s a snob— he’s locked in the library working on things that have been studied for centuries— what a snob!’
Please, please. Give a man a computer, he’s a DJ for a day. Teach a man to strum, he’s in a band for life.
Did… Did I just make that up? Someone should make that a phrase.
Sorry, once you’ve read the complete poetry of John Keats, Rupi Kaur just ain’t doin’ it for ya.
It’s about the personal voice, though—
Oh— please! Quoth the vomit creator!
But isn’t taste just a matter of social class, that any judgement about art you make is a matter of your social positioning?
So, am I just good at music because my parents could afford to buy a piano? Stupid Pierre Bourdieu. Go away.
Yeah, you know, I read Bourdieu because I was trying to figure out why people like you make me feel dumb for going to see rock orchestras or thinking Elton John is the best living piano player…
So, is aesthetic judgment just exclusion dressed up?
You’ve spent your entire life behind a piano, and a DJ can threaten you by just enjoying the very thing you claim to love? So what if the DJ enjoys music all his life, onto his deathbed, that it gives him spiritual sustenance and lasting happiness? The IV is drippin’ in the morphine, he’s writing out his will, grinning, still listening to the faint BMPP BMPP BMMP four on the floor, carrying him unto the Pearly Gates. What, you want him to collapse into intellectual poverty because he doesn’t know the notes of a B-flat minor scale?
Yes! Yes! Collapse. Collapse! Writhe!Ugh. So predictable. I’m such a bore.
Oh there he is! Honey, you’d better buy this ‘artist’ his next drink— you know how eating and drinking is quite a financial burden for them… Haha ha. Ahaha haha.”
—
If you or someone you know is suffering from self-employment, call the emergency number on the bottom of your screen. Harpsichord is not recommended for people who are estranged from a wealthy distant relative worth less than 2.1 million dollars. Self-employment may not be right for you. If you are suffering with the need for external validation or the ability to blame others for your problems, consult an employer. To send WTF Bach a care package, become a paid subscriber on Substack. WTF Bach may need staples of food and clothing to make it through the rest of the year. For his appropriate shoe size, visit WTF Bach dot com. Side effects of WTF Bach may include: anxiety about irregular income, compulsive email-checking and the inability to explain what you do at dinner parties. Ask your accountant if WTF Bach is right for you.
Oh Bach’s Art! The Prelude to my Heart!

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Last December, I spoke with Peter Wollny, one of today’s most important Bach scholars. We discuss how one becomes a Bach scholar, what it’s like to be in close proximity with Bach’s handwritten manuscripts, using watermarks within the paper to form a compositional chronology, and forming a ‘personal relationship’ with a figure from the past. Here are some of my favorite quotes from our interview:
Q: Is there something that surprises you when reading a piece with scholarly intent vs. hearing it?A: What you can’t predict is how deeply it will go to your heart.
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It can easily be said that there is something in the autograph that conveys something about a personality from the past, and it may be true, but it’s very risky because you can end up looking for something that is in your own head but not included in the manuscript.
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This past summer I started a series of photographs trying to figure out the population of wild bees in our garden, and actually I identified a species of bees that was believed to be extinct in Saxony since 1930.
Chaconne on the Gramophone:

The two new chaconnes! Available for download:
BWV 1178, in d minorBWV 1179, in g minor
(Outro music is a choir of yours truly singing from Ich hatte viel Bekümmernis, BWV 21.)
We Rely Exclusively on Paid Subscriptions! Help WTF Bach endure:Join at WTFBach.comThis is the only place Evan checks comments regularly.You can also make a one-time donation here:https://www.paypal.me/wtfbachhttps://venmo.com/wtfbachThank you for your help!
Concepts Covered:
‘Confirmation Bias’ in musicology, J.S. Bach Toccatas BWV 914, BWV 913, the new Johann Martin Schubart sources. The attribution to Johann Christoph Graff in the new discovery of Bach’s early Chaconnes. Independent fascicles sewn into larger books, the process of fascicles copied from page 4, page 1, then pages 2-3. Peter Wollny’s discovery of new works by J.S. Bach. Bach’s early interest in ostinato pieces, Bach’s copies of chaconne’s by Buxtehude.


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