Change Your Life with Dr. Amen Kaur

It's not too late to heal. Dr. Amen Kaur shares 3 ways journaling helps you move forward and prosper, the research on writing and healing, and the missing step most people skip: love
Find out what's really holding you back. Take the free three-minute assessment: https://www.amenkaur.com/quiz
Ready to go further? Explore BEYOND, the 4-month immersion with Dr. Amen Kaur: https://www.amenkaur.com/beyond

It's not too late to heal what's been holding you back. Writing about your feelings can help your body heal, but it depends on how you use it.
In one study, people who wrote about their most upsetting experiences healed from a small wound far faster than those who wrote about their daily plans. And when researchers looked for the reason, they couldn't fully find it.
In this episode, Dr. Amen Kaur explains what happens in your brain when you put feelings into words, why writing can leave some people feeling worse at first, and the one step that changes everything. Then she asks a bigger question: is there a power within you that science can't yet explain?
If you want 2027 to be a different year, one where you know your own value and create from the power already within you, find out about BEYOND at amenkaur.com/beyond
3 ways journaling helps you move forward
It calms your brain's alarm. Putting feelings into words engages the part of the brain that helps quiet the amygdala, your inner smoke alarm.
It lets old pain finish. Once your feelings are on the page, you can witness them rather than live inside them.
It makes room for love. Reading back what you wrote with kindness calms the body in a way positive thinking alone doesn't.

In this episode
Why writing about pain helped wounds heal faster, and why science can't fully explain it
The brain's smoke alarm (the amygdala) and the watchtower that calms it
Why you may feel worse when you first start writing, and why that's normal
How writing helped people who had lost their jobs find new work faster
The storyteller and the witness, and what's really happening when you feel you don't know who you are anymore
The missing step most people skip: love
Why kindness toward yourself calms the body, and positive thinking alone doesn't
What the mystics and philosophers have said about the witness, the presence within you

Try the practice
Give yourself 20 minutes and a pen and paper.
Name it. Write what's been weighing on you. Name every feeling.
Witness it. Read it back the way someone who loves you would.
Love it. Write a reply to yourself, as you would to a dear friend.

Then write one small next step. Try it three or four days in a row.
If what you're carrying feels too big to face alone, please reach out to a qualified professional for support.
Common questions this episode answers
Does writing about your feelings really help you heal? Research suggests it can. In a 2013 study of older adults, 76% of those who wrote about upsetting experiences had fully healed a small wound by day 11, compared with 42% of those who wrote about daily activities.
Why do I feel worse after journaling about something painful? Feeling worse at first is common. In James Pennebaker's original 1986 study, students felt worse while writing about painful experiences, yet visited the health center less over the following months.
What is the missing step in expressive writing? Self-compassion. Writing out pain alone can leave some people harder on themselves. Reading back what you've written with kindness, and replying to yourself with love, is the step this episode focuses on.
Research mentioned
Koschwanez and colleagues (2013), expressive writing and wound healing in older adults
Pennebaker and Beall (1986), writing about trauma and health center visits
Spera, Buhrfeind and Pennebaker (1994), expressive writing after job loss
Lieberman and colleagues (2007), putting feelings into words
Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score
Kross and Ayduk, self-distancing
Farb and colleagues (2007), two forms of self-awareness
Leary and colleagues (2007), self-compassion and painful events
Kiecolt-Glaser and colleagues (2005), relationship conflict and wound healing
Coan and colleagues (2006), hand-holding and the brain's threat response
Holt-Lunstad and colleagues (2010), social relationships and survival
Kangaroo mother care, Cochrane review (2016)
Kirschner and colleagues (2019), self-compassion and the body's threat response
Walburn and colleagues (2009), stress and wound healing
Broadbent and colleagues (2012), relaxation and surgical healing

Wisdom mentioned
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Catherine Ponder, The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity

Have questions first? Book a free BEYOND call: BEYOND call

Instagram: instagram.com/dramenkaur
YouTube: youtube.com/@dramenkaur
Podcast collaborations: amenkaur.com/contact

New here? Start with this short welcome.
If you’ve ever said to yourself, “I don’t know who I am anymore,” this podcast is for you.
When life feels uncertain on the outside, it’s normal to feel uncertain on the inside. Dr. Amen Kaur, a scientist and coach, shares science-backed tools and real stories to help you find your real power, come through change and create the life you want.

Find out what's really holding you back. Take the free three-minute assessment: Free assessment

Ready to go further? Explore BEYOND, the 4-month immersion with Dr. Amen Kaur: BEYOND

Have questions first? Book a free BEYOND call: BEYOND call

Instagram: instagram.com/dramenkaur
YouTube: youtube.com/@dramenkaur
Podcast collaborations: amenkaur.com/contact

If you've tried to love yourself first and it hasn't worked, there's nothing wrong with you. Dr. Amen Kaur explains why self-love is learned through connection, what happens when you stop feeling you deserve good things, and the place inside you where you discover you are love.

Have you been told to love yourself first, tried hard, and still felt stuck? You're not failing. Research on attachment shows we learn how to treat ourselves from how others treated us, so self-love was never meant to be learned alone.
In this episode, Dr. Amen Kaur shares her own story of learning self-love, a client story of going from burnout to promotion, and five lessons to help you stop being so hard on yourself and reach your next level.
Take your free assessment: find out what's really holding you back in about three minutes. Go to linktr.ee/dramenkaur and tap "Take your free assessment."
In this episode you'll learn:
Why you are the hardest person in your life to love
Why self-love is taught through connection, not figured out alone
What attachment research says about how we learn to treat ourselves
How hidden guilt and "I don't deserve it" stop you reaching for opportunities
The difference between soothing yourself and truly loving yourself
Why your brain predicts rejection, and how to test that prediction
How naming a feeling helps your brain settle
Why self-love is presence, and you are love

Can you learn self-love on your own?
You can, but it's slow and hard. Most people learn self-love through how they're treated. Research on earned security shows that adults who started out insecure can become secure later in life, often helped by mentors, partners, teachers or a supportive group.
Why is it so hard to love yourself?
Because you see everything about yourself, including choices nobody else sees. That closeness makes self-judgment easy. But being hard on yourself doesn't move you forward. It keeps you stuck.
What is self-love, really?
Self-love isn't telling yourself you're wonderful. It's bringing love, understanding and compassion to the parts of you that you'd rather avoid, including the parts you judge, hide or feel guilt about.
Research mentioned:
Hazan and Shaver (1987), adult attachment styles
Roisman and colleagues (2002), earned secure attachment
Lieberman and colleagues (2007), putting feelings into words calms the amygdala

Work with Dr. Amen Kaur:
BEYOND is a 4-month immersion with Dr. Amen Kaur, built on her Human Intelligence Framework. It uses science, neuroscience and research to help you let go of the limits holding you back, through love and awareness, so you can reach your next level in your career or business. It includes a live Mastermind every Monday, direct Mentorship, and lifetime access to Self-Mastery training. Limited places each month.
Explore BEYOND: amenkaur.com/beyond
Have questions first? Book a free BEYOND call: calendly.com/amenkaur/beyond-call

Podcast collaborations: amenkaur.com/contact

Free assessment: find out where your core block sits in three minutes at linktr.ee/dramenkaur
How to know what you truly want (and what's blocking you)
Not sure what you want right now? Or do you think you know, but can't make yourself move toward it? In this episode, Dr. Amen Kaur explains why we often want things so we'll be seen, rather than for how they make us feel, and how to tell the difference.
The short answer: ask how it will feel, not how it will look. Research shows people get more happiness from experiences, and from things they buy in order to experience something, than from objects owned for status.
In this episode:
1. The question isn't how you look. It's how you feel.
2. What you wanted might not fit anymore.
3. Where the need to be seen comes from.
4. The three things that block you: emotions, thoughts and your body.
5. Why love is the repair.

Research mentioned:
- Van Boven and Gilovich (2003) on experiences versus possessions
- Guevarra and Howell (2015) on experiential products
- Brickman, Coates and Janoff-Bulman (1978), and Diener, Lucas and Scollon (2006), on hedonic adaptation
- Kasser, Ryan, Zax and Sameroff (1995) on upbringing and materialistic values
- Lisa Feldman Barrett on the brain as a prediction machine
- Heinrichs and colleagues (2003) on social support, oxytocin and stress
- Arnsten (2009) on how stress affects the thinking brain
- Holt-Lunstad, Smith and Layton (2010): across 148 studies, people with stronger social relationships had a 50% higher likelihood of survival

Free assessment: find out where your core block sits in three minutes at linktr.ee/dramenkaur
About the host: She has spent over 25 years working with leaders, coached more than 1,000 people, and seen more than 200 through her programs. amenkaur.com

Curious about how to change your life? click here for coffee and chat
Change Your Life with Dr. Amen Kaur
If you lost your job, were laid off or made redundant, or came out of a divorce, and you know what you want next but cannot make yourself move, the problem is not discipline. In this episode, Dr. Amen Kaur explains the science of why working harder stops working after you have been devalued, why you have no motivation even though you know what to do, and what actually switches motivation back on.
In this episode you'll learn
The four words that reveal where your energy is going: should, have to, need and want, and why only one of them moves you forward
Why shame keeps you repeating the exact behavior you are trying to change
What the still-face experiment reveals about attention, motivation and feeling stuck
The difference between being seen and being validated, and why praise never fixes it
The real cause of burnout according to burnout research, and why rest alone does not fix it
The two ways people cope with feeling unwanted, and why both keep you stuck
A simple one-week experiment to find your motivation again

Why do I have no motivation after losing my job?
Because a layoff, a redundancy or being managed out is an experience of being unwanted, and the human system goes still when attention and value are withdrawn. That is not laziness and it is not a flaw. It is the same response the still-face experiment shows in infants. Rest and pressure do not fix it, because neither one is the missing input.
Why can't I make myself do what I want?
Wanting is not willpower. Effort runs on wanting, and wanting runs on being seen. When something cuts the third one, the other two fail behind it. Motivation returns when you are seen for who you actually are, not when you push harder.
The four words
Should looks at what is missing. Have to looks at obligation. Need looks at lack. Want looks at the thing itself. Want is the only one that pulls you toward your goal.
Research mentioned
The still-face experiment, Tronick and colleagues, 1978
Donald Winnicott on the mirror role of the mother and the false self
Carl Rogers, 1957, on the core conditions of therapeutic change
Norcross and Lambert on the therapeutic relationship as the strongest predictor of outcome
Maslach and Leiter, the six mismatches that drive burnout
Hebbian learning, neurons that fire together wire together
Joe Hudson on shame, wants and the 10 percent more enjoyment experiment

Try this week
Pick one thing you keep telling yourself you should do. Drop the should. Ask how you could enjoy it 10 percent more, without changing it or buying anything for it. Then notice which of the four words you are using.
Coffee and a chat?
If you are capable and still feel stuck, grab a coffee and let's talk it through. Twenty minutes, no pitch, nothing to prepare. We will look at what might be keeping you stuck and what could help. Book here: Coffee & chat
About Dr. Amen Kaur
Dr. Amen Kaur is a trauma-informed somatic coach and former FTSE 250 partner with over 20 years in recruitment and career development. She helps professional women rebuild confidence and get what they actually want after major life and career transitions. Learn more at amenkaur.com.
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