The Autism Dad

This episode is sponsored by PESI.
Nicole Carbone's son Luca is almost four, nonspeaking, and diagnosed with Level 2 autism. When he can't tell her what he needs, he bangs his head on whatever is closest. His pain tolerance is high enough that the thing strangers always say, that he'll stop before he really hurts himself, is just not true.
In this Seen and Heard conversation, Nicole talks about the communication barrier underneath the self injury, the AAC device she hopes will ease it, and what it was like to separate her twins into different preschools so Luca could get what he needed. She also talks about the best 40 seconds of her life so far, the day he looked right at her and said "hi mommy" for the first time, and she got it on video.
Then there's the part aimed at the rest of us. A stranger at the park watched Luca hum and asked her if he ever shuts that motor off. And inside the autism community, Nicole says the hardest thing about a Level 2 diagnosis is not the diagnosis. It's the comparing. Her advice is blunt and it applies to every level: don't compare your kid to any other kid.
Nicole is the founder and president of The NEST Project, a nonprofit serving families in Pennsylvania and Ohio that buys what insurance won't cover for kids with special needs. Find them at nestcares.org.
SPONSORThis episode is sponsored by PESI. Their 2026 Kids and Teens Autism Symposium runs November 18 and 19, online, and it is neuro-affirming the whole way through. There is a full session on demand avoidance, for every kid who got called defiant when it was really their nervous system, and another on kids who mask so well they get treated for anxiety instead of what is actually going on. Two hundred dollars for both days, up to 18 CE hours, and a 30 day replay if you cannot be there live. Built for clinicians, and parents can register too. pesi.com/theautismdad
Rob's book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, comes out December 29, 2026. Preorder at theautismdad.com/book.

Melvin Lopez is autistic. So is his five year old son, Mateo. And the first thing Melvin does in this conversation is take apart the assumption that those two facts give them something in common.

"If you know one person with autism, you know one person with autism." That is a saying in his house.

He talks about a day that starts at 4:30 in the morning because his son does not sleep. Not up and getting ready. Up and fully charged. He talks about fighting his own autism at the exact moment he is trying to parent his son's. And he gives the best description of coping skills I have heard in a long time, which is that nobody buys a good tool for the garage hoping to use it every day, because using it every day means something is always broken.

Then I asked him the question this series is named after. Do you feel seen and heard?

He said, "I feel like I'm tolerated."

He was just as honest about the autism community as he was about everyone outside it. That is why I wanted this one out.

Melvin lives in Clarksville, Tennessee, with his wife and their four children. He was diagnosed autistic as an adult, at Level 2, and has a background in the military. His son Mateo is five, is also Level 2, is in kindergarten, and is in ABA therapy.

Level 2 is the designation that reads "requires substantial support." Melvin served, he works, and he is raising four kids. Both of those things are true at the same time, and that is most of what this episode is about.

SPONSOR

Thanks to Lovebug Probiotics for supporting this episode. Probiotics by age, from babies through adults, focused on digestive and immune support. Go to lovebug.com and use code THEAUTISMDAD20 for 20% off.

These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

ABOUT SEEN AND HEARD

Seen and Heard is a short series from The Autism Dad Podcast. Real families get about fifteen minutes to describe their actual lives, in their own words, without anyone smoothing it out for them.

MY BOOK

So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism: Real Talk, Support, and Next Steps from a Dad Who's Been There is out December 29, 2026 from Fair Winds Press. If your child has just been diagnosed with autism, this is your compassionate first step guide from someone who has lived it. Preorder at theautismdad.com/book

MORE FROM ME

Everything I do lives at theautismdad.com. More Seen and Heard episodes at listen.theautismdad.com

Melvin does not have public social accounts, so there is nothing to tag.

Dr. Theoharis Theoharides is back, and this time we got into the stuff that has been all over the news. Leucovorin. Tylenol. Benadryl. Underneath the headlines there is actual science, and Dr. Theo walks through what inflammation, mast cells, and folate really have to do with our kids.

The throughline is simple. A diagnosis is a label, not a treatment plan, and there is measurable biology underneath that label that most workups never look at.

Dr. Theo holds five degrees from Yale, spent 37 years at Tufts, has published more than 500 peer reviewed papers, and was the first researcher to connect mast cells to autism. He now runs the Center of Excellence for Neuroinflammation Research in Florida.

In this episode:

- What a mast cell actually is, and why the ones in the brain matter- Propionic acid, and why it is sitting in most kids' cereal- The four things he wants every autism workup to cover- The folate test most kids never get, and why normal bloodwork can still be wrong- A 30-second test you can run at your kitchen table tonight- Why constipation changes behavior more than almost anything he has seen- What to do when your pediatrician refuses to order a test- How to tell a real supplement from an expensive one- Twenty years of autism fads, and why stem cells do not work- When to stop something that is not working

His most honest moment: "I hate the term therapeutic because I don't know what I'm treating."

His best one: "The brain is working. The fact that they don't speak doesn't mean anything."

RESOURCESFRAT, the Folate Receptor Autoantibody Test. Must be ordered by a physician.MTHFR gene analysis.RBC folate and RBC B12, to see what is getting inside the cells.Flat abdominal X-ray, when behavior spikes and nobody can explain it.

FIND DR. THEOdrtheoharides.com, which has an intake form.Instagram: @drtheoharidesHe sees patients in Fort Lauderdale the third week of each month, adolescents and adults only.

FIND ROBtheautismdad.comThe book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, is out December 29. Preorder at theautismdad.com/book/

DISCLAIMERDr. Theoharides is a physician and PhD pharmacologist with five degrees from Yale and more than 500 peer reviewed publications. This conversation is education, not personalized medical advice. He names specific tests, supplements, medications, and doses, and he gives them as clinical context. The right number for any individual child depends on age, weight, and labs. Do not start, stop, or change anything based on a podcast. Talk to your child's doctor.

Deena Nathan's five year old son Hayden is autistic and non-speaking, and he's fluent on his AAC device. In this episode she walks through a day that starts with therapy at 8am, the win she's still not over, and the one thing she wants people to understand about a kid who doesn't talk.

She's also honest about something most people won't say out loud. She has real support, good family, friends who get it, and it's still lonely. Both of those things are true at once, and that might be the most useful thing in this conversation.

What you'll hear

00:00 Welcome
00:43 Meet Deena, Hayden, and the family
01:43 A day built around therapy, and being the chauffeur
04:42 The hardest part is time, and the guilt that comes with it
06:16 The win, the day he called out for Mom
08:02 Who Hayden is, hyperlexic, happy, and fluent on his AAC device
10:28 What she wishes people outside the community understood
12:00 Supported and still lonely
13:22 What she wishes autism families understood, no one's future is predicted
14:57 Feeling seen and heard inside the community
15:58 Why families at different levels end up disconnected
17:48 Deena's coaching work with special needs parents
18:21 Why Rob started sharing in the first place
21:33 Closing

About the guest

Deena Fierstein Nathan is a Certified Life Coach at DFN Connected Growth Coaching, where she works with parents of kids with unique needs. She lives in the North Shore suburbs of Chicago with her husband Kevin and their two kids. She stopped working when Hayden was diagnosed and went all in, including taking classes with his AAC device company so she could use it with him.

Website: dfnconnectedgrowth.com
Instagram: @connectedgrowthwithdeena

Sponsors

This episode is sponsored. Mightier is a biofeedback emotional regulation program for kids developed at Boston Children's Hospital. Use code theautismdad22 for 10% off at theautismdad.com/mightier-review.

Best Part Kids is a sensory-friendly multivitamin for selective eaters created by dietitian Brittyn Coleman. Use code THEAUTISMDAD for 10% off at BestPartKids.com.

About your host

Rob Gorski is the founder of The Autism Dad. His book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, is out December 29 2026. theautismdad.com/book

Erin Lamb has been a speech language pathologist for 26 years. She runs a Baltimore nonprofit with its own school for autistic kids. She has a Ph.D. She still missed her own daughter's autism.

Why does autism get missed in girls? Most of the foundational autism research was done on boys. As Erin puts it, everything she knew about autism she learned from boys in the 90s, because that's what the research was done on. That research shaped the training, and the training shaped what people picture when they hear the word autism. Girls who talk early, who mask well, or whose struggles get read as anxiety often reach their teens before anyone says it out loud.

This is a Seen and Heard episode, so Erin gets the floor. She walks Rob through what a day actually looks like in a house with a kid in autistic burnout, with a PDA profile and ARFID, where separation anxiety is the most clinically significant thing in the room. She's honest about what it costs her. "People are like, what are you doing this weekend? And my answer is always caregiving. Because I do not know. I cannot plan."

Then she tells us what changed. She calls it outsourcing the panic. If the school professional isn't panicking, why is she? She handed the worry to the people whose job it is to worry, and her daughter started coming back to her within weeks.

She also gives the best description of an autistic kid this show has had. In the wrong environment it's like parenting all the kids from Willy Wonka at once. In the right one, with the right accommodations and supports, her kid is Charlie.

WHAT YOU'LL HEAR

Why a speech language pathologist with 26 years of practice missed autism in her own daughter

What a day really looks like with a kid in autistic burnout, a PDA profile, and ARFID

What outsourcing the panic means, and how she started doing it

Who her daughter actually is: the Lorax, Willy Wonka, and Charlie

What she wishes the outside world, and the autism community, understood

TERMS FROM THIS EPISODE

Autism in girls: autism is underdiagnosed in girls largely because the foundational research was conducted on boys, so the diagnostic picture most clinicians trained on describes boys. Girls who mask well or present as anxious are routinely missed.

PDA, pathological demand avoidance: a profile in which an autistic person's nervous system treats demands as threats, even small or pleasant ones. Approaches that add pressure usually make it worse.

ARFID, avoidant restrictive food intake disorder: more than picky eating. A child avoids whole categories of food by texture, smell, or fear, to the point that nutrition and growth are affected.

Autistic burnout: exhaustion and loss of previously held skills following a long stretch of masking, sensory overload, and unmet needs. Recovery takes fewer demands and real rest, not more pushing.

Outsourcing the panic: Erin's strategy of handing specific worries to the professionals whose job it is to hold them, instead of carrying every worry herself.

ABOUT ERIN LAMB

Erin Lamb is the President and CEO of Gateway Maryland, the Baltimore nonprofit formerly known as HASA, which has served Maryland families for nearly 100 years. She's a licensed speech language pathologist, holds a Ph.D. in public policy, and is the mom of two neurodivergent teenage daughters.

SPONSOR

This episode is sponsored by Mightier, a biofeedback emotional-regulation gaming program for kids, developed and tested at Boston Children's Hospital. Kids wear a heart-rate monitor and play games that get harder when they get dysregulated and easier as they calm down, so they practice regulating themselves in the moment. Read Rob's full review at theautismdad.com/mightier-review and use code theautismdad22 for 10% off. #ad

RESOURCES

Gateway Maryland: gatewaymaryland.org

Rob's full Mightier review: theautismdad.com/mightier-review

More Seen and Heard episodes: listen.theautismdad.com

Find Rob at theautismdad.com, and on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube at The Autism Dad.