Dysregulated Kids: Science-Backed Parenting Help for Behavior, Anxiety, ADHD and More

If you’re exhausted and wondering Why Your Child Still Struggles despite trying everything, this episode explains what’s really going on. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, founder of Regulation First Parenting™, reveals how nervous system dysregulation—not parenting failure—blocks real change.​​If you’re exhausted from trying therapy, medication, behavior charts, or every tip the internet throws at you, you’re not alone. So many parents reach out after years of effort, still confused about their child’s behavior and why change never seems to stick.Today, I’m breaking down what’s actually happening inside a dysregulated brain—because this isn’t about willpower, effort, or “trying harder.” It’s about calming the nervous system first so kids can learn, grow, and handle difficult emotions in healthier ways.Why does my child still struggle even after therapy, meds, and behavior charts?If you feel like you’ve done “all the things” and nothing sticks, you’re not alone.Most parents are given strategies that target symptoms instead of calming the nervous system first. And when a child’s brain is stuck in survival mode, problem solving skills, self regulation, cooperation, frustration tolerance, and even basic listening become neurologically impossible.Megan’s story says it all. After years of OT, speech, CBT, and multiple meds, her son Jack still couldn’t transition, follow directions, manage anxiety, or regulate emotions. She felt defeated — but the real problem wasn’t effort… it was sequence.Key Takeaways:Behavior is communication, not defiance.A dysregulated nervous system pulls the prefrontal cortex offline.You can’t teach children skills during dysregulation.It’s not bad parenting — it’s a dysregulated brain.Many kids struggle not because they’re unmotivated, but because their brain is overwhelmed.At school, with friends, or during transitions, your child may be struggling to manage frustration, think clearly, or solve problems—so lectures and consequences often bounce right off.🗣️ “You haven’t tried everything — you’ve just been shown what to try first in the wrong order.” — Dr. RoseannWhy does my child fall apart even though they’re smart and capable?Smart kids can still get stuck in fight, flight, or freeze. When the limbic system takes over, language, frustration tolerance, and cooperation shut down—this is why children struggle, even when a child who “knows better” suddenly can’t listen, transition, or self-regulate.Look for clues:Sudden irritabilityAvoidance“I won’t” moments that are truly “I can’t”Micro-signs of dysregulation before the meltdownParent tip: Start observing your child like a detective — the little signals matter.If you’re tired of walking on eggshells or feeling like nothing works…Get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit and finally learn what to say and do...

Confused about diets for neurodivergent kids? In this episode, we answer Which Therapeutic Diet Helps Neurodivergent Kids, breaking down GFCF, keto, paleo, and more with Julie Matthews—guided by Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge’s Regulation First Parenting™ approach to calming emotional dysregulation.Which therapeutic diet really helps neurodivergent kids? Here’s what you need to know. Kids with ADHD, autism, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation can struggle so much, and you’re not imagining it—food truly can make or break their mood, focus, and behavior.In this episode, I talk with nutrition expert Julie Matthews about which therapeutic diet really helps neurodivergent kids, how diet affects the brain, and simple ways to start even if your child is picky.Why does food affect my child’s mood, behavior, and attention so much?Food is powerful because it either nourishes the brain or bogs the nervous system down with inflammation. Julie breaks it into two parts:Add nutrient-dense foods that support brain function, address nutritional deficiencies, and promote brain health in children with autism and other autistic patients.A healthy and balanced diet or targeted dietary interventions can make a big difference.Remove problematic foods that affect gut health, trigger immune system dysregulation, and impact cognitive function.Options may include a gluten free diet or ketogenic diets, tailored to genetic and environmental factors.Even brief swaps from processed foods and high sugar intake to whole foods often improve GI symptoms, autistic symptoms, mood, and attention.Key takeaways:Inflammation = dysregulationNourishing foods calm the brain faster than most parents expectEven one small change—like reducing dyes or food additives—can shift behavior fastParent StoryOne mom shared that removing red dye led to fewer after-school meltdowns within 48 hours—proof that eliminating unhealthy foods and additives can dramatically shift autism severity and mood disorders.Which therapeutic diet really helps neurodivergent kids?There’s no one-size-fits-all diet, but Julie’s clinical experience is clear: most neurodivergent children improve when they reduce sugar intake, remove gluten free casein (GFCF) triggers, and focus on healthy foods that improve gut bacteria, immune response, and brain development.Her book outlines a 12-step plan for implementing therapeutic diets, starting with removing dyes, flavors, preservatives, and then tailoring the diet to a child’s unique nutritional needs, GI disorders, and food sensitivities.Helpful starting points:Avoid artificial colors and additivesReduce sugarRemove gluten and dairy (high-impact inflammation triggers)Add protein, healthy fat, and whole foodsWhy this matters: 70% of American kids rely heavily on processed foods—foods that overstimulate the nervous system and deplete nutrients needed for attention and regulation.Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE...

Discover the real reason you’re stuck in power struggles with your child and why discipline often fails. I’ll show you how understanding your child’s nervous system transforms conflict into calm, using my Regulation First Parenting™ strategies. Parenting can feel overwhelming, especially when every morning feels like a standoff or every request turns into conflict. You’re not alone. Many parents find themselves exhausted trying discipline systems, charts, or punishments—only to watch the same struggles repeat.In this episode, I share practical Regulation First Parenting™ strategies to break free from daily power struggles and help your child—and yourself—find calm and connection.Why am I always stuck in power struggles with my child?The truth is, power struggles aren’t about willfulness—they’re a direct result of a dysregulated nervous system. When a child’s brain is overstimulated, their emotional brain takes over, and logic and reasoning go offline.This can affect personal relationships at home and even influence how children interact in their work environment or with peers, making it harder to maintain a fulfilling life for the whole family.Without understanding these cues, parents can lose sight of their child’s deeper emotional needs, and behaviors may appear as a defense mechanism rather than purposeful disobedience.Tips to break the cycle:Pause before reacting: Your own nervous system sets the tone, helping you stay present instead of getting stuck in the same place of repeated conflict.Co-regulate first: Match your child’s emotional state before attempting correction.Focus on connection: Eye contact, soft tone, and proximity help your child feel safe.Real-Life ExampleAlex, a 9-year-old, transformed mornings from 45 minutes of chaos to 10 minutes of calm by teaching both him and his mom how to regulate before acting.How can I teach my child to regulate emotions instead of punishing them?Discipline systems only work when the frontal lobes are online. If a child is stressed, fearful, or dysregulated, punishment will often escalate conflict instead of teaching self-control.Takeaways:Regulate first, connect second, teach third.Use quick rituals like deep breaths, tapping, or short mindfulness exercises.Name what’s happening in the body, not who the child is: “Your body is tense—let’s calm it together” instead of “Stop being lazy.”When your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless.The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control.Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.What role does my own self-awareness play in power struggles?Your own feelings and nervous system deeply influence your

Are you stuck in co-dysregulation? When your child’s nervous system spikes, yours can too—creating a cycle of stress and overwhelm. In this episode, I share Regulation First Parenting™ strategies to calm both you and your child.When your child’s emotions spike, it can feel like a wildfire—and sometimes, it spreads to you too. You’re not alone.This episode dives into the real science behind co-dysregulation and how your own nervous system directly affects your child’s emotional regulation. Learn practical, step-by-step strategies to stay calm, reset your nervous system, and help your child self-regulate.Why Do I Catch My Child’s Emotions?Ever notice how your stress seems to mirror your child’s? That’s your mirror neurons in action, and it’s a core part of co regulation.Research suggests that your child’s brain literally mirrors yours, sensing tension through your tone, posture, and facial expressions, shaping their emotional responses and stress response.Key takeaway: If your body signals threat, your child’s nervous system picks it up instantly, increasing emotional dysregulation and potentially impacting their mental health.Emotional emphasis: It’s not bad parenting—it’s biology.Parent StoryOne mom realized her lecturing only escalated her son’s meltdown. Pausing and softening her voice changed the dynamic entirely.What Is Co-Dysregulation and Why Does It Happen?Co-dysregulation happens when both parent and child’s nervous systems spike at the same time. It’s a reactivity loop: the child dysregulates, the parent gets triggered, stress amplifies, and both spiral.Tip: Pause before responding. Ask yourself, “Am I calm enough to help?”You cannot calm a dysregulated child from a dysregulated state. Your own nervous system must lead the way.Parent StoryA parent learned to step back, breathe deeply, and approach calmly—creating a de-escalated environment where learning and problem-solving became possible.You don’t have to figure this out alone.Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit: How to Stay Calm When Your Child Pushes Your Buttons and Stop Oppositional Behaviors.Head to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and start your calm parenting journey today.How Can I Co-Regulate Instead of Escalate?Co-regulation isn’t about fixing your child—it’s about anchoring both of your nervous systems in safety. The polyvagal theory shows that a regulated adult cues a child’s body to stand down from threat.Practical steps:Take a deep breath, stretch, or move to calm yourself first.Lead with safety, not control—lower your voice, soften your face, slow your movements.Remember: kids learn by catching your calm, just as they catch chaos.Parent StoryOne mom stopped lecturing mid-meltdown, observed the pattern, and used one simple calming phrase to guide her child back to emotional regulation.🗣️ “When your child’s meltdown triggers yours, you’re not failing—you’re catching their emotional fire, and the one who comes first wins for both.”— Dr. RoseannWhat

When your child melts down, every parent feels that moment of panic—What do I say? How do I help them calm? In this episode, I break down the 4 Calming Phrases Parents Say Changed Everything and how these simple, rhythmic statements help a dysregulated brain return to safety and connection.Parenting a child whose emotions shift from zero to one hundred can feel overwhelming, but understanding what the brain needs in those tense moments changes everything. These phrases aren’t fluffy scripts. They’re co-regulation tools that speak directly to a child’s nervous system, reduce overwhelm, and open the door to emotional learning.This episode offers practical guidance on why these phrases work, how to use them during real-life meltdowns, and how parents can stay grounded even when their child is losing control.Why do calming phrases work better than lectures during meltdowns?When a child is in fight, flight, or freeze, they literally can’t hear you. Logical thinking and critical thinking skills shut down as survival mode takes over. That’s why telling a child to “calm down,” “stop crying,” or “use your words” never works in the red zone—no matter your parenting style.Calming phrases act as safety cues. They help create a shift because they:Support emotional regulation in both parent and childPrevent you from barking orders when you’re stressedSignal safety so a child can feel connected rather than overwhelmedMake space for real boundary setting and the ability to set limitsReduce the urge for people pleasing or power strugglesCreate the conditions where kids learn instead of shut downStrengthen the entire family dynamic through calm communicationThese cues slow the moment and tell your child’s brain, “You’re not in danger. You’re not alone.”And that’s when real connection—and real teaching—can finally happen.If you’re tired of walking on eggshells or feeling like nothing works…Get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit and finally learn what to say and do in the heat of the moment.Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and take the first step to a calmer home.What are the 4 calming phrases parents say changed everything?1. “I’m with you.”This phrase instantly grounds a child who feels scared, overwhelmed, or ashamed.It tells their nervous system they aren’t alone, which is essential for emotional regulation.A parent shared that after years of nightly homework battles, whispering “I’m with you” softened her child’s panic—and changed the emotional tone of their entire household.2. “Let’s slow down.”Kids borrow our rhythm. When you slow your voice, breath, and movements, their brain naturally syncs to your calm.Saying “Let’s slow down” teaches emotional pacing and helps them step out of survival mode and back into connection.3. “We’ll get through this.”Dysregulated kids often think the moment is catastrophic. This phrase restores perspective and safety.It teaches resilience—not avoidance—and shows your child that problems are temporary and manageable with support.4. “It’s okay to feel upset.”Validation lowers cortisol and reduces overwhelm.Instead of shutting emotions down, this phrase teaches kids that...