Dysregulated Kids: Science-Backed Parenting Help for Behavior, Anxiety, ADHD and More

The #1 reason your kid doesn’t listen isn’t defiance or attitude—it’s brain state. This episode reveals why listening shuts down during dysregulation and how calming the nervous system restores connection, guided by Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, founder of Regulation First Parenting™ and expert in childhood emotional dysregulation.When parents understand the reason your kid doesn’t listen, everything shifts. This episode breaks down how nervous system dysregulation—not attitude—impacts how kids listen, especially during transitions, and shows parents how calming the brain first restores connection and cooperation.Why does my child ignore me when I know they understand?This is such a big deal for many parents. Your child may be perfectly capable of understanding your words—and still not process them because their child's actual developmental reality doesn’t always match what we’re expecting in that moment.Listening isn’t a skill; it’s a brain state. When kids are dysregulated, the brain deprioritizes language, which can deeply strain the parent child relationship if we don’t understand what’s really happening.It’s not “they won’t,” it’s “they can’t—right now.” That’s why my work is about helping teach parents to stop personalizing behavior and start responding to the nervous system instead.Behavior is communication, and a child who ignores you is often overwhelmed or under-stimulated—which is why regulation always comes before cooperation. This is where practical tips rooted in brain science make all the difference.Takeaways:Dysregulation shuts down auditory processingOverstimulated brains feel noisy and reactiveUnderstimulated brains feel flat and checked outReal life Scenario: A parent asks a child to wear shoes, stop playing, grab their school bag—nothing. The child isn’t defiant. Their nervous system is louder than your voice.Is my child being disrespectful or oppositional?Many parents worry about oppositional defiant disorder or long-term disrespect. But compliance connotes coercion, and real listening comes from connection—not control, especially when we understand how children emotionally experience stress and authority.When children feel emotionally safe, their willingness to cooperate rises, and children follow rules more naturally. That’s how civil society operates—through regulation and relationships that children facilitate autonomy, not fear.What helps:Stop assuming attitudeAvoid yelling (voice carrying escalates stress)Offer gentle guidance instead of pathetic commands carried by frustrationIt’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain.Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.Go to

Why can smart kids explain everything yet can’t get started? The Executive Function Trap reveals how dysregulated brains block task initiation. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, creator of Regulation First Parenting™, helps parents calm the brain and restore executive skills.Ever watched your smart child know everything about black holes—but freeze at putting on their shoes or starting homework? It’s frustrating, confusing, and can feel impossible to fix. You’re not imagining it—and it’s not laziness. There’s a real reason bright kids struggle with starting and finishing tasks: executive function challenges.In this episode, we unpack why executive function deficits often masquerade as disobedience, defiance, or lack of motivation. You’ll learn what these core executive function skills are, why task initiation often fails in dysregulated brains, and practical, science-backed strategies to support your child’s success in school and everyday life.Why does my child freeze even when they’re so smart?Smart kids often know the content—they just can’t see the path from start to finish. Their prefrontal cortex struggles with task initiation and planning ahead, creating what I call the executive function trap.Visualize the end goal: Help your child picture the completed task.Break tasks into small, concrete steps: 3–5 micro-steps instead of overwhelming lists.Use movement and gestures: Activate visual and motor pathways to strengthen memory and planning.Real-Life ExampleMilo could explain black holes in depth but couldn’t start homework. Once we taught him to see the finished project and work backward, he could initiate tasks without panic.How can I teach executive function skills at home?Executive function isn’t fixed—these key skills can be developed over time with consistent practice. Think of it like learning to cook a new recipe: you visualize the final dish, then reverse engineer the steps.Scaffold the first steps without creating dependence.Encourage cognitive flexibility and impulse control by offering choices within structured limits.Use visual schedules, sticky notes, or body doubling to support working memory.Parent Tip: Cue the nervous system to regulate first—if your child is dysregulated, no executive function strategy will stick.Try Quick CALM for a quick regulation reset before tackling tasks.What’s the first executive function skill to address?The single most impactful skill is task initiation. Without the ability to start, even the most intelligent child can feel paralyzed. By teaching children to:Imagine the end resultWork backward through the steps

If you’re exhausted and wondering Why Your Child Still Struggles despite trying everything, this episode explains what’s really going on. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, founder of Regulation First Parenting™, reveals how nervous system dysregulation—not parenting failure—blocks real change.​​If you’re exhausted from trying therapy, medication, behavior charts, or every tip the internet throws at you, you’re not alone. So many parents reach out after years of effort, still confused about their child’s behavior and why change never seems to stick.Today, I’m breaking down what’s actually happening inside a dysregulated brain—because this isn’t about willpower, effort, or “trying harder.” It’s about calming the nervous system first so kids can learn, grow, and handle difficult emotions in healthier ways.Why does my child still struggle even after therapy, meds, and behavior charts?If you feel like you’ve done “all the things” and nothing sticks, you’re not alone.Most parents are given strategies that target symptoms instead of calming the nervous system first. And when a child’s brain is stuck in survival mode, problem solving skills, self regulation, cooperation, frustration tolerance, and even basic listening become neurologically impossible.Megan’s story says it all. After years of OT, speech, CBT, and multiple meds, her son Jack still couldn’t transition, follow directions, manage anxiety, or regulate emotions. She felt defeated — but the real problem wasn’t effort… it was sequence.Key Takeaways:Behavior is communication, not defiance.A dysregulated nervous system pulls the prefrontal cortex offline.You can’t teach children skills during dysregulation.It’s not bad parenting — it’s a dysregulated brain.Many kids struggle not because they’re unmotivated, but because their brain is overwhelmed.At school, with friends, or during transitions, your child may be struggling to manage frustration, think clearly, or solve problems—so lectures and consequences often bounce right off.🗣️ “You haven’t tried everything — you’ve just been shown what to try first in the wrong order.” — Dr. RoseannWhy does my child fall apart even though they’re smart and capable?Smart kids can still get stuck in fight, flight, or freeze. When the limbic system takes over, language, frustration tolerance, and cooperation shut down—this is why children struggle, even when a child who “knows better” suddenly can’t listen, transition, or self-regulate.Look for clues:Sudden irritabilityAvoidance“I won’t” moments that are truly “I can’t”Micro-signs of dysregulation before the meltdownParent tip: Start observing your child like a detective — the little signals matter.If you’re tired of walking on eggshells or feeling like nothing works…Get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit and finally learn what to say and do...

Confused about diets for neurodivergent kids? In this episode, we answer Which Therapeutic Diet Helps Neurodivergent Kids, breaking down GFCF, keto, paleo, and more with Julie Matthews—guided by Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge’s Regulation First Parenting™ approach to calming emotional dysregulation.Which therapeutic diet really helps neurodivergent kids? Here’s what you need to know. Kids with ADHD, autism, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation can struggle so much, and you’re not imagining it—food truly can make or break their mood, focus, and behavior.In this episode, I talk with nutrition expert Julie Matthews about which therapeutic diet really helps neurodivergent kids, how diet affects the brain, and simple ways to start even if your child is picky.Why does food affect my child’s mood, behavior, and attention so much?Food is powerful because it either nourishes the brain or bogs the nervous system down with inflammation. Julie breaks it into two parts:Add nutrient-dense foods that support brain function, address nutritional deficiencies, and promote brain health in children with autism and other autistic patients.A healthy and balanced diet or targeted dietary interventions can make a big difference.Remove problematic foods that affect gut health, trigger immune system dysregulation, and impact cognitive function.Options may include a gluten free diet or ketogenic diets, tailored to genetic and environmental factors.Even brief swaps from processed foods and high sugar intake to whole foods often improve GI symptoms, autistic symptoms, mood, and attention.Key takeaways:Inflammation = dysregulationNourishing foods calm the brain faster than most parents expectEven one small change—like reducing dyes or food additives—can shift behavior fastParent StoryOne mom shared that removing red dye led to fewer after-school meltdowns within 48 hours—proof that eliminating unhealthy foods and additives can dramatically shift autism severity and mood disorders.Which therapeutic diet really helps neurodivergent kids?There’s no one-size-fits-all diet, but Julie’s clinical experience is clear: most neurodivergent children improve when they reduce sugar intake, remove gluten free casein (GFCF) triggers, and focus on healthy foods that improve gut bacteria, immune response, and brain development.Her book outlines a 12-step plan for implementing therapeutic diets, starting with removing dyes, flavors, preservatives, and then tailoring the diet to a child’s unique nutritional needs, GI disorders, and food sensitivities.Helpful starting points:Avoid artificial colors and additivesReduce sugarRemove gluten and dairy (high-impact inflammation triggers)Add protein, healthy fat, and whole foodsWhy this matters: 70% of American kids rely heavily on processed foods—foods that overstimulate the nervous system and deplete nutrients needed for attention and regulation.Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE...

Discover the real reason you’re stuck in power struggles with your child and why discipline often fails. I’ll show you how understanding your child’s nervous system transforms conflict into calm, using my Regulation First Parenting™ strategies. Parenting can feel overwhelming, especially when every morning feels like a standoff or every request turns into conflict. You’re not alone. Many parents find themselves exhausted trying discipline systems, charts, or punishments—only to watch the same struggles repeat.In this episode, I share practical Regulation First Parenting™ strategies to break free from daily power struggles and help your child—and yourself—find calm and connection.Why am I always stuck in power struggles with my child?The truth is, power struggles aren’t about willfulness—they’re a direct result of a dysregulated nervous system. When a child’s brain is overstimulated, their emotional brain takes over, and logic and reasoning go offline.This can affect personal relationships at home and even influence how children interact in their work environment or with peers, making it harder to maintain a fulfilling life for the whole family.Without understanding these cues, parents can lose sight of their child’s deeper emotional needs, and behaviors may appear as a defense mechanism rather than purposeful disobedience.Tips to break the cycle:Pause before reacting: Your own nervous system sets the tone, helping you stay present instead of getting stuck in the same place of repeated conflict.Co-regulate first: Match your child’s emotional state before attempting correction.Focus on connection: Eye contact, soft tone, and proximity help your child feel safe.Real-Life ExampleAlex, a 9-year-old, transformed mornings from 45 minutes of chaos to 10 minutes of calm by teaching both him and his mom how to regulate before acting.How can I teach my child to regulate emotions instead of punishing them?Discipline systems only work when the frontal lobes are online. If a child is stressed, fearful, or dysregulated, punishment will often escalate conflict instead of teaching self-control.Takeaways:Regulate first, connect second, teach third.Use quick rituals like deep breaths, tapping, or short mindfulness exercises.Name what’s happening in the body, not who the child is: “Your body is tense—let’s calm it together” instead of “Stop being lazy.”When your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless.The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control.Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.What role does my own self-awareness play in power struggles?Your own feelings and nervous system deeply influence your