Stillness in the Storms

Who are you, really, behind all the roles? Sit properly with that question and no answer comes. That is the answer.
Open me up and there is no Steven in there. In deep sleep there is no Steven either. We wake up and we come online and we boot the roles: dad, councillor, host, meditator. Each one needs a different set of skills, and you can only run one at a time. So who is watching the breath when you meditate? Ask whether you are aware of your left toe and you were not, and then you were. In that gap before the answer, there is nobody home, and that is not terrifying. It is the most freeing thing I know.
One thing to try: Ask yourself, are you aware? Then notice the moment before you answer.
In this episode
(2:33) I always wanted to be somebody, and should have been specific
(4:19) Every role needs a different set of skills
(5:30) In deep sleep there is no Steven
(7:55) You cannot run two roles at once
(9:12) Who is doing the relaxing
(11:41) Are you aware of your left toe
(13:05) No fixed little statue of you sits inside
(15:31) Do it with excitement and curiosity
(16:54) My daughter found it terrifying. It is not

With gratitude to
Yuva, Karin, Sue, HJ, Anita, Lorraine, Brandy, Jane, Sergio and Irma
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Thank you for listening.
Steven
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If this were my last podcast, what would I want to leave you with? Let everything happen to you. No feeling is final.
That is Rilke, and it is where this one started. No script, just a cup of coffee. You cannot change the present moment. You cannot grow your hair, lose weight, get younger or stop the rain in this second, and yet we spend enormous energy arguing with what has already arrived. Imagine a rainbow with only two colours in it. That is a life lived in a narrow band of feeling. Watching the film Albatross and hearing the ending changed how I think about all of it.
One thing to try: Ask one question today. What small colour can I let into my life?
In this episode
(2:53) You cannot change the present moment
(4:06) Arguing with what has already arrived
(5:17) The hero on the uncomfortable cushion
(6:44) The good times need nothing from you
(7:39) Born, pain, desire, joy, rain, shine. All of it
(9:12) Not every voice is healthy, but all of them carry weight
(10:37) Rilke, and go to the limits of your longing
(12:44) A rainbow with only two colours
(15:28) What would love be without loss
(18:06) What small colour can I let in

With gratitude to
Senga, Jess, Anita, Sue, Evelyn and Glenn
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Thank you for listening.
Steven
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What if the thing you keep chasing is the exact reason you cannot catch it? There is no happily ever after, and that is good news.
Picture the ox with a carrot on a stick fixed above its own head. Every step forward moves the carrot forward. That is happiness as most of us run it. And it is not a design fault, it is evolutionary genius, because if you settled the moment you got something you would never go further. The man who loses everything is miserable on day one and fine two years later. Happiness is an emotion. It arrives and it leaves, like all the others. It was never going to move in.
One thing to try: Catch yourself saying I will be happy when. Pause there and notice how much of life you just skipped.
In this episode
(4:10) The ox, the stick and the carrot above its own head
(5:19) Stop chasing and you see what you already have
(6:28) Why this is evolutionary genius, not a fault
(7:47) We would never run faster or try again
(9:07) Halfway up, turn around and look at the valley
(10:13) Everything becomes normal in the end
(11:16) The man on the park bench, day one and two years on
(12:54) Happiness arrives and leaves, like every other emotion
(16:27) I will be happy when, and what it costs you

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Steven
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Why does part of you not want the pain to stop? Pain is inevitable. Suffering is the second arrow, and you fire that one.
The first arrow lands and it hurts. Then we load the bow ourselves. Every replay in your head, every post, every phone call to a friend, is another arrow into the same wound. And here is the uncomfortable bit. The suffering loop feeds us, because it makes us the hero of our own story. Nobody wants to hear about the good day and the view over the ocean. Everybody leans in for the battle. I have been the victim hero for the last few weeks and I know exactly how it works.
One thing to try: When a painful thought comes back, ask one question. Is this taking me anywhere? If not, it is the second arrow.
In this episode
(1:42) The council motion, and the word I actually said
(2:49) I think you meant albatross
(5:23) Thinking about them with other people
(6:37) Every replay loads the bow again
(7:51) Pain does not mean your practice is failing
(9:12) Life will still dish it up to you
(11:17) Why the suffering loop feeds us
(13:01) Nobody leans in for the good day
(16:28) Is this the second arrow

With gratitude to
Adam, Alison, Anna, Diana, Dominique, Dova, Ellen, Fran, Jenna and Mia, Jennifer, Jude, Kellee, Kylin, Marcie, Rita, Simon, Stefan, Steven and Sue
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Thank you for listening.
Steven
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What is your anger actually saying? My teacher Jun Po told me he has never known an angry person who did not care.
Sit with that one. Anger is the bodyguard. It steps in to put something right, to stop it happening again, to defend what matters. Throw the hammer away and you have thrown away an emotion that evolution spent a very long time building. A child is furious about a red T-shirt when they wanted green, and to them the world just ended. When you are in a life where things go wrong fast, the gap between the spark and the fire shrinks. But it is a gap, and it can be widened.
One thing to try: Instead of arguing, say six words. I see you care deeply. Why?
In this episode
(4:07) Throw away the hammer and you throw away the tool
(5:20) A red T-shirt when they wanted green
(7:49) Anger is the bodyguard that steps in
(9:22) Do you really believe that, Steven
(10:11) When there is no time between spark and reaction
(11:29) There is a gap, and it does not have to become a fire
(14:09) I see you care deeply. Tell me why
(15:40) Sitting down with people I disagree with over a cup of tea
(18:59) Anger does not need banishing. It needs hearing

With gratitude to
Alice, Kim in the Yukon, Maya, Ken, Linda and Michael, the regulars Laura and Stuart, and new monthly supporters Sue, Jude, Jenna and Mia, and Rita
Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk
Thank you for listening.
Steven
Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.
Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk