The Self-Driven Child

In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with my longtime partner, co-author, and neuropsychologist Dr. William Stixrud to dig deep into something hiding in plain sight: sleep. We talk about why so many kids, teens, and frankly adults are walking around chronically exhausted—and what that’s quietly doing to learning, emotional health, and overall well-being. This conversation grew out of a powerful question a student asked us after we issued a real-world “sleep challenge,” and it opened the door to a fascinating look at how sleep actually works in the brain. Bill and I explore what happens when kids don’t get enough rest, why tired brains struggle with attention, memory, and emotional regulation, and how sleep might be one of the most underestimated tools we have for supporting mental health, learning, and resilience. If you care about helping kids thrive—and about thriving yourself—this is one you won’t want to miss. Episode Highlights:[0:00] – Why helping kids thrive is harder than it should be—and why sleep keeps getting overlooked [2:15] – The student sleep challenge and the big question: what does sleep actually do to the brain? [4:20] – How chronic sleep deprivation acts like chronic stress on developing brains [6:00] – Emotional control, anxiety, and why tired brains are more reactive and negative [9:00] – “Overnight therapy”: how REM sleep helps regulate emotions and perspective [10:25] – Sleep deprivation, anxiety, and depression: cause, effect, and the vicious cycle [11:59] – Why sleep regularity matters as much as total hours of sleep [15:00] – Sleep, physical health, appetite, and injury risk for athletes [17:20] – Why sleep deprivation mimics ADHD and wrecks attention and organization [19:55] – The startling study showing how small sleep losses erase years of cognitive growth [21:40] – How the brain replays and consolidates learning during sleep [22:30] – Why sleeping more can literally make you better at skills—even without more practice [27:15] – Practical, realistic strategies families can use to make sleep a shared value [31:00] – Why we need collective action, not lectures, to help teens get the sleep they need Links & Resources:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-self-driven-child/201807/why-its-always-better-to-sleep-on-it If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.  If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this episode, I dig into one of my favorite topics—what really makes us happy—and why the holidays are the perfect time to rethink how we create joy for ourselves and our kids. If you’ve ever wondered why the things you anticipate don’t always end up being the things that actually fill your heart, you’re not alone. I explore the science behind pleasure versus happiness, why we confuse the two, and how small intentional choices can make the holiday season feel richer, calmer, and more meaningful.Rather than chasing quick hits of dopamine, I walk through the PERMA model and share science-backed ways to help kids—and ourselves—feel more grounded, connected, and genuinely content. If you’re craving a holiday experience that lingers well beyond the wrapping paper and pumpkin pie, this episode will help you set the stage.Links & Resources:[0:00] – Opening welcome + exciting announcement about our new workbook [1:20] – Why the holidays bring both joy and disappointment [2:18] – Pleasure vs. happiness: how dopamine tricks us [4:10] – The rush of rewards, hedonic adaptation, and why pleasure fades [5:30] – Serotonin and the science of contentment [6:20] – Reflecting on past holidays and why those memories stick [7:05] – Introducing PERMA: the science of lasting happiness [7:40] – P: Positive emotions—exercise, rest, gratitude, and Thanksgiving traditions [8:55] – E: Engagement—how “I get to” changes everything [9:35] – R: Relationships—the strongest predictor of long-term happiness [10:51] – M: Meaning—why contributing and giving matter more than getting [12:40] – Achievement—keeping accomplishment in healthy perspective [14:10] – Better conversation starters for kids and teens [15:20] – How intentional activities shape half of our happiness [16:15] – Final reflections on gifts, gratitude, and meaningful experiences [17:20] – Closing thoughts + message for parents who may want extra supportLinks & ResourcesPrepMatters – https://prepmatters.comPhone: 301-951-0350 (for families wanting to connect with our team)If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Ever wonder if we’re raising our kids with too much fear and not enough freedom? In this episode, I’m joined by Lenore Skenazy—founder of Let Grow, author, and self-described “America’s Worst Mom”—to dig into what’s really holding our kids back. We talk about the shift from play-based to phone-based childhoods, and how we, as parents and educators, can reverse course by letting kids take back some independence—without feeling like we’re putting them in danger.We explore how anxiety, both in kids and adults, is often fueled by overprotection, and how letting kids do more on their own actually builds emotional resilience, executive function, and confidence. Lenore shares powerful stories, smart strategies, and even a few laughs to help us rethink how we support our kids in becoming more capable and self-reliant. If you’ve ever worried about being too overprotective—or just want to help kids thrive—this conversation will inspire you to take that first step. Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Opening thoughts on parenting struggles and intro to my new workbook [1:35] - Welcoming Lenore Skenazy and how she became known as “America’s Worst Mom” [3:54] - The column that sparked a national conversation [5:17] - The disconnect between our childhoods and how we raise our kids now [7:53] - How school policies and culture reinforce parental anxiety [8:50] - The myth of stranger danger and why statistics don’t ease fears [11:52] - The Let Grow Experience and how it rewires parent and child behavior [15:06] - Why emotional courage is essential for both kids and parents [17:59] - The anxious generation of parents—and how overprotection feeds the cycle [19:43] - What free play really teaches and how it rewires the brain [24:11] - Why sandbags belong in play clubs and other fun discoveries [27:29] - Real-world problem solving in play: Franklin and the leaf pile [30:41] - Why squabbling is not a problem—it’s the learning process [31:07] - The hero’s journey and how hardship builds emotional resilience [33:34] - A flat tire becomes a triumph of independence [34:04] - Phones out, yes—but we must also restore play [35:15] - Let Grow’s mission to support independence and responsibility [38:59] - Helping parents take courageous actions, even if they’re still worried [41:36] - The goal isn’t to eliminate worry—it’s to act with courage anywayLinks & Resources: Lenore's TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/lenore_skenazy_why_you_should_spend_less_time_with_your_kids?subtitle=en  If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

If you've ever caught yourself reminding your kid—again and again—to get that homework done, check in with the coach, or finally read that book, this episode is for you. I dive deep into the psychology and brain science behind why we nag, how it impacts both our stress levels and our kids’ behavior, and what we can do instead to be more effective, compassionate, and calm.I share a personal story from my own household (yes, I'm guilty too!) and explore what’s really going on in the minds of both the "nagger" and the "nag-ee." You’ll also hear a powerful example of how one family made a simple shift in communication—and had their best night in years. If you want to support your child in a way that actually works—and feels better for everyone—don’t miss this one. Episode Highlights:[0:00] - Introducing the workbook: The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child [1:10] - My own struggle with nagging during my son’s senior year [3:00] - Why we nag: the emotional drive behind our reminders [4:35] - The illusion of control and the stress of unfinished tasks [6:25] - Brain science: what happens in the mind of the nagger [8:15] - What nagging does to kids’ brains—MRI findings from a key study [9:55] - A story of a family overwhelmed by homework stress [11:10] - A simple 3-step plan for changing the dynamic [12:55] - The power of phrasing: how supportive language changes everything [14:20] - Shifting from nagging to nurturing—and why it works [15:41] - About PrepMatters and how we support students without added pressure  Links & Resources:If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Hey folks, Ned here. If you’ve ever felt like life’s got you underwater—like you’re just barely catching your breath before the next wave crashes in—this one’s for you. In this episode, I sit down with my dear friend, partner, and co-author Dr. William Stixrud to talk about something that’s more relevant now than ever: how we actually relieve stress—not just dodge it.We unpack the critical difference between stress relief (those momentary escapes) and stress release (the tools that really let the pressure out), and why both are necessary. We also dive into practices that help us become non-anxious presences for our kids, and how that calm can be just as contagious as stress. Whether it’s exercise, meditation, social connection, or just laughing with friends, we explore the science-backed ways to bring your nervous system back online and show up for your family with clarity and calm. Episode Highlights:[0:00] - Introduction and announcement of the new workbook, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child[1:39] - That overwhelmed feeling—why so many of us are barely staying afloat[3:12] - Stress relief vs. stress release: what’s the difference and why it matters[5:39] - Coping methods kids use—and why many of them are just avoidance strategies[7:32] - The trouble with short-term fixes like weed and excessive screen time[8:31] - Real stress release through exercise, baking, and yes—carrot cake[10:15] - How parents’ stress regulation directly impacts their children[11:38] - Two paths to calm: cognitive reframing and physiological practices[14:42] - Radical acceptance—how shifting our mindset reduces suffering[16:31] - The vital role of calm people and community in weathering storms[20:08] - Emergency stress relief: laughter, singing, deep breathing, and movement[22:50] - The power of consistent practices like meditation and gratitude[25:57] - Final thoughts: combining cognitive, physiological, and social strategies for real resilience If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com