Autistic and ADHD Kids Parenting Strategies: Every Brain is Different

Join the Neurodivergent Parenting Community: https://www.everybrainisdifferent.com/membership

Connect with Dr. Linda Silbert: https://stronglearning.com/

 

Samantha and Lauren interviews Dr. Linda Silbert of Strong Learning Incorporated about supporting neurodivergent learners and reframing bad grades as symptoms rather than reasons for punishment.

Dr. Silbert urges parents to stop blaming children or schools, become detectives about root causes (academic, social, emotional, bullying, sensory, or anxiety), and approach teachers and IEP meetings collaboratively.

She emphasizes repairing parent-child friction by apologizing, listening, and teaching practical study skills in short, effective bursts rather than long sessions, noting that stress can make students “blank” during tests.

Dr. Silbert describes gamifying reading intervention, using card-deck games, fluency activities, and plays aligned with Orton-Gillingham, to reduce anxiety, build confidence, and improve reading, and shares resources including her new book Why Good Kids Get Bad Grades.

 

00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro

00:40 Grades Are Symptoms

02:57 Homeschool and Nervous System

05:20 IEP Advocacy and Collaboration

07:11 Bullying and Emotional Fallout

11:10 Repairing Parent Child Trust

14:30 Study Smarter Not Longer

16:30 Gamified Reading Breakthrough

19:39 Play Based Learning Tools

21:13 Resources and Where to Find

22:09 Fun and Closing Reflections

23:06 Hosts Wrap Up Takeaways

28:51 Reading Counts Any Format

30:05 Final Goodbye

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Join the Neurodivergent Parenting Community: https://www.everybrainisdifferent.com/podcast

Samantha and Lauren discuss how neurodivergent children may mask at school or other settings: suppressing stims, sensory distress, and authentic behavior to appear “typical” and then have meltdowns at home because home feels safest, a pattern also described as after-school restraint collapse.

They emphasize that these explosions are nervous system and stress responses, not manipulation, and that chronic masking drains executive functioning and can leave kids in fight-or-flight.

The episode outlines signs a child may be struggling at school (shutdowns, irritability, control-seeking, sibling conflict, isolation, increased PDA behaviors, avoiding help, and even not using the bathroom) and suggests ways to reduce nervous system load and improve safety at school through sensory-friendly routines, supportive accommodations, authenticity at home, and self-advocacy skills, while avoiding forced eye contact, dismissing concerns, over-scheduling, and rewarding extreme compliance.

 

00:00 Masking Recap

01:02 Why Home Meltdowns Happen

02:15 What Masking Looks Like

03:43 Executive Function Burnout

06:26 After School Restraint Collapse

06:59 Signs of Distress at School

09:20 Signs Your Child Masks

11:31 Reduce Load Before School

13:40 School Supports That Help

15:39 Stop Rewarding Compliance

16:47 Build Authenticity at Home

17:17 Teach Self Advocacy

17:41 What Not To Do

19:35 Connection Over Correction

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Connect with Samantha: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/

Join the Neurodivergent Parenting Community: https://www.everybrainisdifferent.com/membership

 

Samantha and Lauren open by discussing mom guilt and the importance of giving yourself grace when you miss commitments, lose your cool, or have hard parenting moments, emphasizing that apologies and tomorrow-as-a-reset matter.

They then explain masking: children, especially neurodivergent kids, may hold it together at school and unravel at home because home is emotionally safe, not because parents are doing something wrong or the child is being manipulative.

They describe how cognitive fatigue (executive-function demands), emotional exhaustion (managing expectations, social stress, fear of trouble, rejection sensitivity), and sensory overload (noise, lights, clothing discomfort) accumulate during the day, leaving kids with no capacity for even small demands like “How was your day?” They note masking can also differ between co-parents, and suggest school accommodations (movement, no forced eye contact, IEP/504 supports) and coping skills, with next week focused on making school feel safer.

 

00:00 Welcome and Mom Guilt

01:03 Grace and Repairing Moments

03:05 What Masking Looks Like

07:17 Why Home Meltdowns Happen

09:26 School Accommodations

12:15 Safe Parent and Coparenting

14:42 The Cost of Masking

20:06 Sensory Overload Stack

22:51 You Are the Safe Place

24:22 Community Support and Wrap Up

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Connect with Samantha: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/

Join the Neurodivergent Parenting Community: https://www.everybrainisdifferent.com/membership

 

Samantha and Lauren interview Julianne Kohlbrand, an ADHD financial coach who became debt-free after $107,000 in consumer debt and a later-in-life ADHD diagnosis at 42, and now helps neurodivergent families simplify money management.

Julianne shares how motherhood intensified overwhelm and led to her diagnosis, and explains that neurodivergent people often need different, less perfection-driven approaches than strict dollar-by-dollar budgets.

Key strategies include giving yourself grace, automating bills, weekly calendar check-ins, reducing tempting triggers (like removing budget apps), using visuals and a “would you rather” gamified decision tool, and adding accountability partners while avoiding shame through agreed budgets and separate “fun money” line items for each spouse.

They discuss impulse spending, the 24-hour cart rule, a separate email for bills, and ways to teach kids about money through open conversation, goal-setting, savings accounts, and age-based paid home tasks.

 

00:00 Meet Julianne Kohlbrand

01:04 Late ADHD Diagnosis Story

02:42 Money Shame and Coaching Fail

04:35 ADHD Friendly Money Systems

07:16 Gamify Spending Decisions

07:54 Accountability Without Shame

09:41 Fun Money and Boundaries

12:20 Impulse Control Tricks

15:28 Teaching Kids Money Habits

18:39 Allowance And Budgeting

19:42 Kids Savings Account Setup

20:18 Home Tasks For Pay

22:17 Earning Extra Money Struggles

23:56 Grace And Small Systems

25:16 Resources And Where To Find

27:14 Fun And Farewell

28:06 Post Show Highlights

29:44 Lego Dopamine Spending

31:13 Play Money Chore System

32:18 Final Wrap And Comments

 

Connect with Julian:
https://debtrebelpodcast.com/
https://www.instagram.com/jewlzthebudgetnerd
https://www.linkedin.com/in/juliankohlbrand/

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Join the Community: https://www.everybrainisdifferent.com/membership

 

Samantha and Lauren discuss why many neurodivergent people may interpret language literally and communicate more directly, which neurotypical people can misread as rude.

They define literal thinking as interpreting exact words rather than implied meaning, sarcasm, or social context, and share examples such as misunderstandings around figurative phrases (“break a leg”), social pleasantries (“we should hang out sometime”), sarcasm (“nice job”), vague directions (“do the dishes” vs. “clean the kitchen”), and hidden social rules (“make yourself at home”).

They explain contributing factors, including a preference for clarity and precision, pragmatic language differences, cognitive load, and predictive processing theories, then outline the benefits of direct language (less confusion, faster problem-solving, clearer boundaries, less social exhaustion).

 

00:00 Why Literal Thinking

00:47 Rude or Direct

01:42 Defining Literal Thinking

03:30 Everyday Examples

05:08 Vague Directions

07:34 Hidden Social Rules

09:45 Why It Happens

12:53 Direct Communication Strength

17:04 Misread as Argumentative

19:36 Parenting Communication Tips

22:15 Wrap Up and Resources

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent