Autistic and ADHD Kids Parenting Strategies: Every Brain is Different

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Samantha and Lauren discuss what to do when you mess up as a parent, emphasizing that apologizing is not weakness but modeling accountability, empathy, and healthy relationships.
They address parental guilt, especially after a child’s neurodivergence diagnosis, noting “you didn’t know what you didn’t know,” and encourage apologizing without staying stuck in shame.
They outline steps to repair: acknowledge what happened without excuses or blaming the child, regulate before reconnecting, apologize without conditions or pressure for forgiveness, and tailor apologies to a child’s communication needs.
They stress that apologies must be followed by behavior change through identifying triggers, building and practicing a regulation plan, and involving the child in problem-solving when appropriate. Examples include morning routine yelling, responding during meltdowns, and shifting from punishment to accommodations.

00:00 Apologize or Not
00:26 Why Parents Avoid Apologies
04:13 Guilt After Diagnosis
05:53 Perfection Isn’t Required
08:33 Step 1 Acknowledge
12:43 Step 2 No Conditions
17:22 Step 3 Change Behavior
21:29 Real Life Scenarios
24:18 Grace Growth and Wrap Up


Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Connect with Samantha: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Get the Ultimate Guide to Parenting Your Neurodivergent Child: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Babble with Brooke: https://www.babblewithbrooke.com/

Samantha and Lauren share strategies for when a child can complete tasks one day but struggles the next. They encourage parents to track patterns (sleep, routine changes, sensory environment, prior demands) rather than judge isolated moments, reduce the size of the first step to support task initiation, and “externalize” executive function with tools like visual schedules, checklists, timers, first-then boards, labeled bins, consistent landing spots, body doubling, and offering two acceptable choices.
Samantha and Lauren emphasize regulation before compliance through nervous system support and co-regulation, and recommend flexible supports that can vary day to day without implying regression.
They also discuss planning for predictable low-capacity times, when to seek professional help for sudden or intense changes, and classroom supports.
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00:00 Why Kids Seem Inconsistent
00:37 Track Patterns Like a Detective
02:42 Shrink the First Step
04:42 Externalize Executive Function
08:43 Regulation Before Compliance
11:09 Flexible Support Not Regression
16:11 Plan for Low Capacity Times
18:54 When to Seek Extra Help
22:08 Key Takeaway and Weekly Challenge
24:10 Babble Newsletter and Wrap Up


Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Connect with Samantha: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Download the Ultimate Guide to Raising Your Neurodivergent Child: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Samantha and Lauren discuss why children may struggle with tasks they seemed able to do the day before (like getting dressed, brushing teeth, or doing homework) and how parents can respond without assuming laziness or defiance.
They emphasize a mindset shift: yesterday’s success doesn’t guarantee today’s ability, and parents should get “curious, not furious” by looking for what helped previously and what’s harder now.
The episode explains executive functioning and how multi-step tasks involve transitions, planning, organization, impulse control, memory, and sensory tolerance, which can be affected by ADHD, autism, stress, sleep, sensory processing, and environmental factors like rushing or noise.
00:00 Why Kids Seem Inconsistent
02:40 Curious Not Furious
04:03 Executive Function Basics
04:54 Getting Dressed Breakdown
08:37 Hidden Support You Give
11:41 ADHD Inconsistency Research
13:12 Video Games Versus Homework
18:04 Sleep Stress Sensory Environment
22:52 Cant Versus Wont
23:49 Practical Support Ideas
24:42 Part Two And Wrap Up


Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Connect with Samantha: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Get the Ultimate Guide to Raising Your Neurodivergent Child: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Samantha and Lauren discuss Samantha’s son’s years-long struggle with chronic, debilitating pain (legs, back, migraines) and how a pain clinic evaluation led to a new explanation: sensory processing disorder with heightened interoception. After extensive normal test results, a multidisciplinary team suggested his internal body-signal sense may be “turned up,” intensifying pain perception.
Samantha and Lauren define interoception (internal sensations like hunger, bathroom needs, heart rate, temperature, pain, and emotions) using occupational therapist Kelly Mahler’s framework and note that interoception differences can be muted, intense, or distorted, affecting interpretation of sensations and emotions.
The episode emphasizes validation, shifting from “why does he hurt?” to “what support does his nervous system need?”, and introduces Mahler’s “body, emotion, action” approach, encouraging parents to become “body detectives” with neutral body check-ins and curiosity rather than telling kids to “calm down.”
00:00 Welcome and Topic Setup
00:15 Years of Chronic Pain Search
00:46 Pain Clinic Evaluation
02:27 Unexpected Diagnosis Insight
04:32 Interoception Explained
06:24 When Signals Feel Too Loud
09:23 Muted vs Intense Awareness
11:56 Validation and Support Mindset
15:32 Body Emotion Action Framework
20:38 Becoming Body Detectives
22:06 Key Takeaways and Next Steps
23:44 Resources and Closing

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Connect with Samantha: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Get the Free Ultimate Guide to Parenting Your Neurodivergent Child: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Join the Neurodivergent Parenting Community: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/membership
Connect with Susan: https://www.LoveBridgecoaching.com


Samantha and Lauren interview Susan Minor, a certified relationship coach trained in the Laura Doyle method, about rebuilding connection in marriage, especially for parents under the stress of raising neurodivergent children.
Susan shares how, after nearly 30 years of feeling isolated and disconnected, she used the Laura Doyle skills privately and saw her relationship transform within months, later deepening the work with coaching.
She addresses common misunderstandings of The Empowered Wife, emphasizing it is not about shrinking or doing more, but about being heard and creating space for a partner to step up. The discussion covers “triage” after diagnosis, resentment, disengagement, “tools not rules,” gratitude and receiving, self-care, choosing connection over perfect logistics, and using conversation prompts to move beyond schedule-only talk.

00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro
01:28 Susan Marriage Turning Point
04:03 Empowered Wife Misconceptions
06:08 Neurodivergent Parenting Strain
11:16 Six Tools for Connection
14:28 Gratitude and Receiving
18:02 Beyond Logistics Talk
24:31 Conversation Starters Ideas
26:21 Where to Find Susan
28:10 Fun and Final Takeaways
28:54 Host Highlights and Wrap Up


Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent