Autistic and ADHD Kids Parenting Strategies: Every Brain is Different

In this episode, Samantha and Lauren discuss strategies for effectively parenting children with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). They emphasize the importance of collaboration over direct demands to help children feel more in control and safe, which mitigates reactive behaviors.

They explain how giving children choices and involving them in decision-making can prevent the activation of their parasympathetic nervous system, which is linked to anxiety and defensive behaviors.

Practical examples like offering options instead of direct commands are given and the importance of flexibility and patience in parenting, particularly for neurodivergent families is discussed.

Samantha and Lauren also highlight the significance of co-regulation and maintaining a calm demeanor to support a child's sense of autonomy and safety.

A PDA cheat sheet with useful scripts and strategies is available for listeners.

 

00:00 Introduction

00:39 Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)

03:00 Collaborative Parenting Strategies

06:08 Practical Examples and Scripts

09:37 Managing Parental Expectations and Flexibility

21:30 Maintaining a Regulated Nervous System

24:30 Conclusion and Resources

 

Join the Neurodivergent Parenting Community: https://www.everybrainisdifferent.com/membership

Get the PDA Cheat Sheet: https://www.everybrainisdifferent.com/pda-cheat-sheet

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Samantha and Lauren discuss non-traditional, child-led approaches to therapy for kids diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and related needs, contrasting them with more compliance-based, clinical models and emphasizing that therapy should match the child.

They highlight alternatives that can complement traditional services like OT, speech, and PT, including equine-assisted services, animal-assisted interventions, aquatic/swim therapy (including water safety), creative arts therapies (music, art, dance/movement, drama) provided by credentialed professionals, nature-based/outdoor therapy, and technology/gaming/special-interest-based approaches like Minecraft and GarageBand.

They stress these therapies are not about reducing autistic traits but improving quality of life and participation, and they outline how to evaluate legitimacy by asking about evidence, risks, credentials, meaningful progress measurement, and goals, while warning against “cure,” “detox,” guarantees, and testimonial-only expensive programs.

 

00:00 Welcome and Topic Setup

00:22 Traditional Therapy Norms

02:10 Why Child-Led Matters

05:12 Equine Assisted Therapy

07:45 Animal Assisted Options

09:52 Aquatic Swim Therapy

13:19 Creative Arts Therapies

20:33 Nature-Based Outdoor Therapy

23:32 Tech Gaming Special Interests

27:44 Spotting Legit Therapies

29:18 Red Flags and Research

31:51 Final Takeaways and Wrap Up

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Connect with Samantha: https://everybrainisdifferent.com

Join the Neurodivergent Parenting Community: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/membership

 

Samantha and Lauren explain the child evaluation process for concerns like ADHD, autism, anxiety, and learning differences. They normalize parents’ nervousness about labels and judgment, emphasizing that evaluations don’t change a child but provide baseline understanding, shared language, and access to resources.

They describe signs that may warrant discussion with a primary care provider, encourage trusting instincts, and outline steps: talk to a pediatrician or school staff, get referrals (developmental pediatrician, psychologist, neuropsychologist, psychiatrist, specialty clinics), and prepare for long waitlists.

They explain typical multi-visit evaluations, forms to complete, what to bring, observation and standardized testing, parent involvement, and the feedback report with diagnoses, strengths, challenges, and recommendations, noting that support is needed even without a diagnosis.

 

00:00 Welcome and Listener Feedback

00:54 Why Evaluations Feel Scary

02:40 When to Seek an Evaluation

07:55 First Steps and Referrals

10:12 Insurance Costs and Waitlists

13:10 Services Without Diagnosis

15:16 What the Evaluation Looks Like

16:28 Forms and What to Bring

20:09 Testing Observation and Parent Role

26:35 Results Recommendations Next Steps

30:20 Wrap Up and Get Help

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Connect with Samantha:
https://everybrainisdifferent.com/

 

Connect with Katey:

Website: https://yourdifferentability.com/

Book: https://yourdifferentability.com/book

Book Preview (Katey made this free for this podcast's listeners!): https://yourdifferentability.com/welcome

Instagram: https://instagram.com/kateyfortun

Personal Website: https://kateyfortun.com/

 

Samantha and Lauren welcome back disability advocate and dyslexic speaker Katey Fortun to discuss her newly published book, "Embracing Your Different Ability," available in standard print, dyslexic-friendly print, and audiobook, along with her "Different Ability Podcast."

Katey shares that she was inspired to write the book after feeling prompted on a walk in late 2023, committed in early 2024 to doing “one new thing,” and self-published through Amazon with support from a book-coaching team, ultimately releasing it on March 26, 2024—the same date she signed up to begin the process.

Written initially for her eight-year-old self, the book aims to help kids feel seen and understood while also supporting parents, guardians, and teachers, including chapters from Katie’s mother to show both child and parent perspectives.

They discuss distinguishing “won’t” vs. “can’t” by defaulting to “can’t” and investigating, the hidden struggles of kids who appear “fine” at school, the trauma of forced reading aloud, and how diagnosis can be validating and unlock resources; Katey also shares a free “welcome package” with sample chapters and resources at her website.

 

00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro

01:33 Why She Wrote It

04:45 Who the Book Is For

09:21 Won Versus Cant

16:25 School Trauma and Diagnosis

21:43 Dyslexia Strengths and Success

25:24 Closing Questions and Hope

27:16 Where to Find the Book

29:34 Final Advice and Wrap Up

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Join the Neurodivergent Parenting Community: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/membership

Connect with Samantha: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/

 

Samantha and Lauren discuss the third step after a child is diagnosed with autism: building a support system. They recap the first two steps—learning about autism by getting curious about your own child and connecting with autistic adults and other parents, and applying early for resources like Medicaid and therapy waitlists.

They validate how overwhelming ongoing therapies and frequent specialist appointments can be, emphasizing that parenting isn’t meant to be done alone and that some family or friends may not provide the support you expect, making it okay to set boundaries or create distance.

They outline professional supports (pediatricians, therapists, mental health providers) and personal supports (spouses, friends, online communities), encourage learning from parents further along while avoiding comparison, and note research linking parental support to lower stress and improved outcomes.

 

00:00 Welcome and Recap

00:57 Why Support Matters

01:43 Overwhelm and Appointments

04:08 Finding Your Village

04:56 When Family Isn’t Supportive

07:49 Professional Support Team

10:01 Emotional Support and Community

11:29 Learn From Others Avoid Comparison

14:50 Support Groups and Action Step

16:18 Three Takeaways and Closing

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent